so, what is my स्वधर्म?

I belonged to that lucky era when children did not start formal education much before five. Okay, I did attend a nearby run-from-home 'Bal Mandir' before turning five, and also it wasn't completely no impact period - till date, my favourite snack is Sev-Mamara exactly how I eat then - home made, low oil, no masalas except haldi and salt, 80 percent Mamara, 20 percent Sev.

But that luck could only help till five and I was sent to a big Reputed school one day. A huge hall, hundreds of in-uniform, disciplined (behaviourally standardised), energetic, smiling, smart children; teachers with friendly but still authoritative tone and an air that expected those who breath it in - to fit in. Needless to say, I almost felt breathless. As soon as I reached home, I declared, I wouldn't go there again. and I didn't go there again. (unknown to me then, but mom too wasn't in favour of me going there - but anyway, I still think, it was 'largely' my decision to not go to that school.). I happily spent first three years of my schooling at a govt school - during whole of that period my only learning related school memory is that of 'once' answering some arithmetic question from last row, rather, that of getting up from the sitting position on the floor to standing position to answer, as I don't remember question or answer. (it was no frills classroom and so no benches). I guess those were the most productive years of my education. I learned alphabets and numbers, sentences and basic arithmetic, got into habit of reading (story)books and the most important of all - started learning to to learn. Why they could become academically the most productive years is due to the two things. One - I was introduced to reading, writing, calculation, books (mostly by parents).. and two - I was never asked to 'work' towards acquiring those abilities. It was pure 'play'.

I wont bore you with my detailed biography but in later years too - be it study, work or even simple everyday situations, while not exceptional, I think I did well enough whenever I was 'playing' and it was almost always a disaster when I was expected to either fit in or Work, specially when I actually tried to fit-in / Work.

In what exact sense I am using words play and work? Play is purely for its own sake, not for anything else. There are no concepts like usefulness, compulsion (mandated by anybody other than self), expected and/or desired reward that is different from activity undertaken (i.e. I study because I want to study - is play. I study because it will help me gain social approval / prove me a better student compared to others / will land me a good job etc are work - where study is work for which there is external reward - someone's acceptance / praise of me / a good job etc.).

So, when it comes to my स्वधर्म - first condition is, I am not best suited for Work. I better play, rather, I can only play. Trying to Work starts self destruction process instantaneously.

Now, play what? Sparing you of details of arriving at /explanation to the answer, the best suited play for me is to learn, to understand, to be aware of. and subjects that I pick up for learning(playing) keep presenting themselves to me - in no specific order. and you know where I am most lucky? I started so much unaware, unlearned, that life experience can potentially be somewhat like.. when you are hungry.. rather malnourished and presented with Chappan bhog.

This probably also explains why I find myself most at home on alive land with lots of native species living happily. If you want to do anything, its best done in setting where everyone else too enjoys same thing. and, I think, when it comes to playing, learning, and most importantly, being aware, any random species can beat human hands down (taking average representative vs average representative while not downplaying variations of individualities of any species). Obviously then a happy family of native species is a perfect setting. Isn't it?