Kaniyu - Part 4

Breakthrough was achieved and rest was a part of past now. With yesterday's two feedings itself, Kaniyu was getting back to its form. Five balls looked proper size for single feeding and that's what I managed to feed him next early morning and then at around 9.-30 - 10 AM. Next feeding, following his parents schedule, should be at around 1 PM. Though given that he had to eat for last many days as well, I was looking at next feed to be around noon. but.. Something was bugging me for last one hour and now I realise he wasn't looking good. He was stiff. the normality that was being restored just after two feeding was not there. He was sick, probably in some pain - I could see that. I touch him and feel temperature too was higher - though I could not say this for sure. I could see all these but did not understand what (or why) was it so. I tried to feed him at around noon, and he refused - not only he did not gulp it (and threw it out instead), he was unhappy wrt to this eating business. Dots were still unconnected but I just let it go. It was not the question of life and death if he didn't have this one feeding.

I could not take my eyes or thoughts off him though and it was not long before I understood. He had switched to solid food and hadn't drank required amount of water. How could I miss that? In fact, since he arrived, one of the first things I had learned through maternal instinct was to keep track of his health seeing his droppings. Amount, composition, consistency, frequency. but in the excitement of feeding breakthrough I missed that he was only eating since last evening. His system was kind of jammed with solid food. Even as water was in front of him, he had not yet declared himself out of parental care and wouldn't drink on his own. He had not even learned to drink enough even when I offered him to (by holding water in such a way that its beak is half immersed.). So next few hours, I kept offering water, he drinking it (key was, not to back off till he drinks what you think is sufficient). His system must be in a complete mess as he kept removing solid and pure water separately. but now he did that at least. Process continued till nearly 5 PM and he started looking better. His aversion to food had gone too. so before the end of day, he had two more feedings - with revised feeding amount of three balls each - this proved quite optimal and continued then on. Chanting of 'Kaniyu, Kha.' 'Kaniyu, Kha.' 'Kaniyu, Kha.' which was going on almost like Akhand Ramdhun since the day he arrived, had ended finally. Though not my efforts to teach him to eat on his own.

He quickly started gaining strength, his growth too was on track again. and with that his preening and exercising was back to original level.. rather, much more than that. In my efforts to feed him semi liquid food, I had initially used only wheat floor and then Bajara and wheat floor alternatively. Now wheat floor's cooked paste is no less than any strong glue and all his breast feathers plus many here and there were in very bad shape. He also had this most irritating habit of turning his head and resting tip of the beak on his right shoulder even before I manage to clean his beak - despite my best efforts at quickness. With so many feathers glued, even paste stuck in, if not for the roasting dry and hot air of May, it could have posed significant risk of fungal infection. With that roasting air however, the glue had turned to cement and he looked well.. ugly. I kept apologising to him for making that of him and not being able to help him on that front but he didn't notice my apologies and I didn't notice that he wasn't relying on me to do anything. He knew keeping his feathers in proper order was his own job and he was at it with discipline that defined him.

My problems did not end however. It just changed its nature like it had happened so far. Now fine, I was confident that I could not hurt him - I knew that without learning it from anywhere. We all know it without learning explicitly. Imagine our reaction seeing a kitten in dog's mouth vs a kitten in its mother, Cat's mouth. Its not visible action but relationship and oneness one feels that matters. and so I knew I wont hurt him..but.. at the same time that's what I feared the most. plus, he was gaining strength and using it fully to counter me. Unlike the first time, he even knew now that I would hold him and his reflexes were becoming quicker, varied. Even as I too continuously worked on my speed, technique and power, everytime it was a battle of equals. I got out of breath and became exhausted after each attempt at feeding one gola (and not all were successful) and had to pause, take few deep breaths, gather courage and do some last minute strategizing before next attempt. Two things that I feared most were damage to his wings - for, they were strong and he used that strength in a way that I found very dangerous - if I even slightly miscalculate wrt when to tighten the grip or when to give away, it could damage his wings. Second was his eye that he had already lost. He always managed to transfer enough of crushed bajara to my figure very near to his eye and then move his head unpredictably. There were no two attempts between which I did not think of improving on my technique, adding elaborate fool proofing processes etc to reduce risk, but still, feeding him remained a high risk, stressful job and after each Gola that he gulped unharmed, I was immensely relieved. It did not stop me from continue to watch him with anxiety to see if he was showing any signs of being harmed. I never found any sign that he was hurt, but I sometime felt how inadequate mother I am that probably he is hurt and I am not able to see it.

He had third gola of the last session for the day at around 7.30 PM (I was yet to shift to last session strictly before Sunset). I was cleaning the mess that had resulted in this feeding battle and watching him to find out if there are any signs that his wings were damaged. My eyes stop at bare pink skin - area only few times a needle's tip, but still, bare pink skin - where none should be visible. Its shoulder joint, a very critical point for wings strength. If that point was damaged.. I could not think clearly. My body and mind, that had held against May heat wave outdoor hours, crises of parents abandoning him and all efforts to feed him failing till the success came at last and dozens of other mini crises so far, faced with that bare pink skin patch on Kaniya's shoulder and thinking that it might cause disability, gave up. All the hell had suddenly broken loose. I was crying uncontrollably.

After long few minutes, finally Mom, trying to console me and argue that he doesn't look hurt, took me to face Kaniyu again. I was back in his room, still crying helplessly. He got confused. He could suspect that I was in distress but of course there was no reason for that.. No one was attacking me etc.. He had that look in his eye saying, you look in distress, though I see no reason for you to be but is there something that I can help with? Tears still filled my eyes but I had stopped crying. he was not only unhurt, but was even big enough to get concerned if I was hurt. We had covered a long distance since morning of 17th May.

There were no more crises in sight to keep me going. I was to spend nearly 14-16 hours in coming days mostly sleeping and eating.

Kaniyu - Part 3

Too good to be true?

Five days had passed by since Kaniya's life had that major jolt post which he was living in a world his body and mind was not quite made to grow in. But this meant that he had to do his part even more rigorously and had no time to complain. Indeed, he made full use of what was still as it should be - his parents feeding him; for things he absolutely needed but didn't have - a nest, he designated shoe as nest and stuck to it exactly in a manner a baby bird would stick to a nest that is even smaller than its own body size. Things which he didn't need in ideal conditions but were useful now- like me, were accepted, and things which were not useful but still were added to his life- like the black dog, were completely ignored. Things for which there were no external dependencies, like exercising and taking care of its rapidly growing feathers, were taken care with all dedication.

I have told you dove parents had been feeding him for all these days and that he was growing fine. but, there was an anomaly arising already for last two days, which even as was noticed, given that I was too tired and that Kaniyu was doing fine had not generated an alarm yet. It was, that even as mother came full five times to feed, the father sometimes missed its turn. On day six, father's irregularity in feeding was becoming apparent, plus for some reason so far Kaniyu had only three feedings (father not contributing in all of them) and the day was about to end. There was scope of only one more and that too if parents came in next few mins. Kaniyu was growing and was hungry. probably it was falling short of its optimum intake for a day or two already but today was a clear case of that.

The mother arrives. Kaniyu, being very hungry almost goes mad seeing the mother - and, he turns round and round in excitement. (He had been occasionally doing that turning around for few days now, but nothing with respect to that behaviour was registered as having any meaning to me as yet.) He started turning excitedly and mother was taken aback. She needed to hold his beak to pour feeding. but as she makes an attempt, Kaniyu would have turned. She looks completely lost at the behaviour but still tries few times as Kaniyu was very hungry and a mother could see that. but after a while, she finally gives up and flies away without feeding. Father, who was largely absent today came, but he left even sooner than mother as Kaniyu repeated its behaviour. He was hungry, so hungry that could not control own body and mind, and, the day had ended. Kaniyu was obviously not how he was so far. He looked listless.

After returning home I made yet another serious attempt to see if I can make him eat anything with no result as you know. It was a bad day. I hoped next morning, Kaniyu wont repeat what it did today (it would be even more hungry). Next morning, I was very anxious. I held my breath as mother came, Kaniyu was excited, but he just managed to receive the feeding. Father too came and managed to feed. Kaniyu was happy and I breathed easy.

If I think of two very useful features that life has evolved to (or have them at any rate), I would give my vote to death and ability to not know the future. these two, roughly looks to me having somewhat similar (but much more than) utility as that of sleep and working memory being distinct from long term memory.

After the morning feeding both me and my Kaniyu were relaxed due to the second useful feature of life I mention above. We had NO idea that dove parents were never to feed him again. The story that was sounding too good to be true had ended. Over next 10 hours, I shuttled between tree and home. At tree, I kept pleading to dove parents to feed Kaniyu and at home my efforts to feed him became more and more fanatic each hour. Kaniyu, even though under the tree looked somewhat normal and kept waiting for parents as ever, at home, he was looking weak. Preening and exercising had reduced significantly. After that morning feed, all I could manage to make him eat during whole day must not be more than 5 - 10 ml of semi-liquid food.

Facing the Worst

Next day, I feared the worst and found reality matching my fears. Parents did not come. Despite past experience, I tried to take help of my doves once again, meeting the same fate as before. rather much worse. for, Kaniyu, already weak, thought they were his parents and seemed to completely go crazy - losing lot of physical energy out of not much remaining and there could not be more painful sight where his this reaction met by aggression by the non parent dove. I stopped taking him to tree after 1 PM or so (except once near the day end time) and kept trying, with all variations I could think of, to feed him myself / let him eat itself. I of course also tried holding his beak and see if I can force it open, but he didn't allow me. He kept losing strength, sat there listlessly, no preening or exercising anymore but refused to eat in any other way than parents feeding him. During whole day, all he would have taken in must not be more than 10-15 ml of semi liquid food. The figure that had always sat erect, full of confidence so far, was difficult to look at now. He sat there evidently looking weak with eyes closed mostly. I, his mother in all true senses of the word was helpless.

It was past 7 PM or so, already dark outside. I called it a day and stepped outside for a walk. My body and mind both were stressed and stiff, almost immobile and I thought a walk was most appropriate thing. I stepped outside and in the darkness broken in parts by lights, there were shapes and shadows - trees, houses, leaves. in anything and everything, no matter where I looked at - I could only see hungry, weak Kaniyu sitting in different poses. I tried to not see that, and I saw it more vividly. I had not realised but probably I was slowly getting closer to madness since last many hours and now, I felt like I was standing on a hairline dividing saneness and madness - I felt I was so much close to going mad that the only proof that I was still on saneness side was THIS acute awareness of being so close to madness. with that, there was a feeling I had never experienced before - it was an involuntary reflex of mind that appeared like a panic reaction triggered by survival instinct - not survival of body, but mind itself. It did not want to go mad. Only thing that interrupted my seeing Kaniyu everywhere was this panicky feeling and seeing things not improving as a result of walk, I returned. If open eyes shown me Kaniyu everywhere, closing them were also of no help. Infant Kaniyu, as I had got him many days ago popped up as soon as I closed my eye. It was a difficult night, but finally sleep came to rescue.

Next day was nearly identical except that Kaniyu was getting even weaker though not completely inactive. He again had some 10-15 ml of semi liquid food till now and wouldn't change his ways. At around 4.45- 5 PM, I decided to change mine. I was ready to use force - more than reasonable amount of it. There was no use of having concept of reasonableness now. I could not do it till now as I feared it can cause injury, or even disability. but now, not doing so would mean his sure death. Though I had no idea if even this attempt will be successful or not but, I faced no choice but to use force - as much as I had capacity to use. I make balls of crushed Bajara mixed with water, seize him with speed and power to tightly hold whole of its body with my left hand, open his beak with force (okay, yet very gently and carefully) using right hand and keep it open using thumb and index figure of left hand once opened (I instantly realised how much strength was still left in him as he countered my attempts. - Note however that he was NOT panicked thinking I was attacking him or that he was in danger of any sort - such thought was inconceivable for him given our relationship, nor he was being hurt in anyway at all, but his mind resisted being caught in an involuntary reflex anyway.), take a bajara ball using my right hand, put it at approximately mid way on its beak, - AND THE BALL WAS GONE! He gulped it and realised what happened only after he gulped it. Our eyes met in a perfect and clear communication - We had won and it was a big big win. Even as both of us were still too stunned to fully digest what happened - but I could see in his eyes too there was no doubt, just as it was with me, that it was WE who won, not he or me, not even he and me. that distinction had ceased to exist long back I think.

I stopped after five bajara balls (Golas). He appeared full. He had five more Golas at 7-7.30 PM.

'Evolution'

I was writing Kaniyu Part 3, and used the word 'evolved'. Now, as what I meant by it was not the textbook definition of it, I felt obliged to clarify. but that clarification turned out somewhat long, also misplaced diversion in the story. Its therefore here as a stand alone topic.

It was only few years back that I came to know of a strange fact - that there are some parts of the world where people still learn, teach (in a govt approved way it seems), believe in, creation theories (I haven't googled it what 'exactly' it means, but the way I perceived it is something like 'God' created everything while in mood to do so.) as against that life evolved to what it is in a slow (from individual's perspective), long journey.

Regarding my own education, I actually don't remember what words and what details textbooks told me apart from stages of evolution and some timeline wrt to the long journey. but I remember I have never exactly believed in what is meant by 'The evolution theory'. That is because, I personally think life is not lifeless - and therefore, it has more control of things happening to it compared to control lifeless things have over what happens to them. i.e. that journey from a single cell life to an elephant, dolphin, human, termite or ant is not exactly similar to say, creation of major geographical features. .. I have trouble imagining a life so lifeless whose evolution purely depends on mutation happening to it by pure chance (and so whole of evolution story is pure chance mutation + survival of fittest) In fact, only one thing is needed to collapse that kind of evolution theory back to creationist theory. and it is, if mutations happening turns out not purely random. Even Slightest non randomness will mean (if we continue to assume that life is quite lifeless and exerts no control over mutations happening to itself) that the world is created quite leisurely rather than all at once. i.e. it makes theory of evolution a theory of creation, only with creator employing slightly different strategy to create.

For me, life is essentially alive. Striving for betterment with guidance of its own intelligence. trying, failing sometimes, succeeding at others, trying to remember and analyse failures and successes and keep trying. Evolution then is result of life's own efforts to evolve (aided/hindered by many chance mutations and external events at different times.)

Now, meaning of word 'evolved' used in above sense is completely different from what is meant by theory you get if you google 'theory of evolution' so I thought I should clarify.


and btw, on a side note, as you know I have been reading Asimov again these days, I found out that one of his story that I had liked very much, was his own favourite story too (yes, out of all the gems, that one was what he thought as his best story - If you can lay your hands on it - do read 'The Last question'.)

કાણિયું - Part two

Something New and still Easy? Are you kidding?

Parenting a baby bird, when real parents are actually doing all the parenting, was not something new to me. As a child, my responsible shoulders did support at least one/two sparrow nests in home at most time round the year. All it required was making parents feel comfortable (They are anyway and that's why they have their nest in your house but still, you can always do your bit), supply some food to them which they can feed to babies (I learned quite late that supplying monotonous, non core food actually was doing more harm than good - specially when real parents were inexperienced and accepted what I offered rather than toiling harder to find appropriate food) and keep a watch on any danger (inside home, there wasn't much of that however, still I had that concept.). Add to that - of me being already experienced, that now I had few more bits of wisdom. Now I knew each species eat different things and what do they eat primarily.

After parents had fed the baby, I realised I was sitting there for quite some time so take the baby home (and it showed as much agility as had shown while going out - and here, for the first time I become aware of danger posed by the black dog - you have read about her before.). After a while, I head back to the feeding place carrying dove baby and Bajara (Millet) - for parents. Repeat my elaborate process of displaying of the baby so that parents can see it from anywhere on more than dozen trees from that place, put the bajara and the dove on ground and back off. Now, I Knew bird babies are non-stop eaters. and parents must keep running from dawn to dusk non stop to feed them. but somehow, parents did not come readily. I waited. and after some wait they did come and fed the baby. It was still more than an hour since the baby was fed the first time. It was Odd. why didn't they rush as soon as baby was back?

Anyway, now that they have resumed, things should go smoother. So, I waited for them to return. and waited and waited. Meanwhile, the Sun of 17th May, the day when years worst heat wave was just started, kept inching higher in sky every minute. I was too pre-occupied with my easy parenting job however and had not yet thought about it.

It was around 11 AM now. Heat was already unbearable for last hour and a half. I wanted water, needed to be back to cooler place but what about the baby, must be very hungry as parents had not returned after second feeding. I expected mom to at least remember me and come and give some water - but nothing, apparently was going as expected. She did finally remember me around 11.30 and I got the water, but I decided to take a break and returned home with the baby dove soon after.

Staying out in that heat -without something to protect head from the heat, without water, to someone fully healthy, fit and who is used to such exposure is also quite difficult. and, all I can say here is, I am lot more fragile compared to an average person around me. plus, of course, I was not used to stay out to face heat on such hot days at all. (of course, you cant be used to what is not possible for you, right?) This part of the story would be 90% unconveyed if reader doesn't get the idea what it meant to be out under the tree for me (not Sun - story would have never been written if it was to be so - with writer long dead) - and probably I am not good at describing it. But anyways, let me proceed to tell you remaining 10% of it.

Upon returning home, I decide I must try to feed the baby dove - કાણિયું (Kaniyu - One eyed). Friend whom I had requested to check dove baby food had replied (it probably had not occurred to me to acknowledge the reply or to update anything back), also, I do have a pair of Eurasian collared dove in my multi species family so what to feed did not seem a big question immediately, neither in what form. I needed paste - possibly cooked to make it easily digestible as the Kaniyu was still young and may not be ready for raw food. Millet atta wasnt there, but wheat was equally good alternative for now. So I make wheat flour's cooked paste and try to feed Kaniyu. It turned out to be non starter. He wouldn't eat. I tried hand, spoon, round hollow tube (so its beak can go into that), different consistencies of the paste, but he wouldn't eat. I thought that even if he may not respond to the sight, smell and food touching its beak, hunger, but must understand my spoken request to eat - So I kept saying 'Kaniyu, Kha.' (Kaniyu, eat.) I had no idea then that,  this two word sentence would end up being the sentence spoken most number of times in my entire life so far and that, he wouldn't oblige me even once ever.

Not soon after 1 PM, after spending nearly 45 mins in trying to feed Kaniyu, and having my own lunch, I was back under the tree. Parents came soon enough. Fed him. and I return in less than half hour as promised to mom. Unimaginably exhausted, I had no option but to take some rest. Next feeding at around 3 came soon after I took Kaniyu out there. but it was only mother who came. Last one came around 5, even though I sat there waiting parents to come once before the day was over till almost 6.30.

Kaniyu appeared to be sleeping between his feedings for most time. after that he would became active again, preen profusely, do multiple rounds of typical wing stretching followed by shoulder flexibility exercise. and he was doing all these very diligently. I tried to make him sit on a table instead of on floor, but in no time he would have fallen on the floor and then slowly make his way to sit on my shoe.

Next day, I was out there at 6 AM, first feeding by both parents was only around 7.15. I returned around 9 AM, parents had not came for second feeding by then. On day two also, eventually I managed to keep Kaniyu out there enough and he eventually managed five feeding. I had some lessons learned and I kept my head covered and kept sprinkling water over myself. but given this very infrequent feeding and also realising I wont last long in this routine of staying outdoor whole day in Mid may, my feeding attempts became more and more desperate. without any result - in some 30-40 min each time I spent, he sipped no more than 2-3 ml while I repeated Kaniyu, Kha some 500-1000 times. Even as my attempts to feed him did not show any positive results, there were at least two negative results. One, I ended up wasting all spare time I could have used to rest and recover, and as you know, cooked wheat flour is extremely sticky, despite all my efforts to keep it away, wipe away, from Kaniya's feathers, he managed to spread it all over. Worst affected were throat and below area and one shoulder - he had this habit to turn its head and rest its beak on the shoulder joint - and he could do it so much more faster than I could wipe its beak.

Over next three days, routine was more or less same as day two, with one improvement that as I slowly came to understand that five feeding is what they do and that for Kaniyu, it was enough, I spent marginally less time outdoor and worried a lot less about Kaniyu being hungry. with each passing day and hour of course, I was losing my energy to heat and keeping up continued to be harder and harder, in fact it was no less than a miracle that I managed to keep on. Kaniya's routine was same, eat, on coming back sit on shoe (I shifted shoe over the table next to window - so he can have shoe as well as can glance outside window to see and learn from lively world outside), sleep, exercise and grow. I could see him growing day by day with lot of satisfaction. while waiting to be fed, he started becoming increasingly active, even started attempting flying - not succeeding gaining height beyond few inches however, but still he managed few small horizontal flights circling me (as I stood at level below him). Yes, he always aimed his flight at / around me. He knew clearly now that he had two kinds of parents. feeding parents and guarding parent.

These three easy days still had their quota of disasters, mainly arising out of my lack of parenting skill, all of them fully voided by unfailing luck that protected Kaniyu. Some of them were..

- I kept increasing distance between me and Kaniyu in order to make its parents more comfortable - till, one morning a crow landed next to Kaniyu. Even as Kaniyu looked at the crow innocently, crow at Kaniyu in risk assessment mode, I ran and shouted as fast I could, what made the crow abort his attempt to attack Kaniyu was both his parents darting from different directions straight towards the crow. So I reduced the distance thereafter, kept extra eye on crows (lots of them around), AND - stopped my ritual of displaying kaniyu to make it visible to its parents. - they could see their baby from anywhere exactly. All I was doing was making it visible to predators and inviting them.

- On another occasion, a dog came completely quietly from my back with an eye on Kaniyu. He did not succeed as you know, but my vigil then extended to 360 degrees.

- Kids used to came to play near the Kaniya's tree - I was worried both as to parents may not come with all these kids nearby and, that their ball may hit Kaniyu. (kids in India play only cricket - just in case you didn't know.). As my skills in dealing with people is in complete contrast with my comfort with non-humans, and that I actually dislike human kids (I find them copies of their parents, only yet to learn how to hide what better stay hidden.), even as I tried being as nice as possible and even as they actually weren't as bad as average human kids and some of them actually were good, not just not bad, mornings remained not exactly easy - we had to start late on two of the three days.

- Once, parents did not come for day's last feeding. I sat there for nearly an hour past usual time but they didn't come. As I was returning disappointed, a Shikra flew off from few trees away. So, that was the reason. With sure death like shikra's preying eyes present, obviously parents didn't come and feed. This again expanded scope of my vigil, reduced my max and average distance from Kaniyu and increased time/no. of visits outdoor as when parents didn't turn up, I now thought of a predators presence and returned after a brief wait, to come back again after few minutes.

- I thought if my doves (doves in my multi-species family) adopt / become extra parents to Kaniyu, things can go smoother. When I kept Kaniyu outside home, they saw him and came promptly near. seeing them Kaniyu went as mad with happiness as he did seeing his own parents. The Doves however instantly attacked Kaniyu and it was again Kaniya's luck and me knowing body language of my doves too well that my hand was between attacking dove and Kaniyu well in time.

Completely unaware of any of these problems, Kaniyu continued to grow bigger, stronger and more active. His yellow infancy strands were almost gone now and tail was somewhat longer. He was still a very lovely infant to an human eye, though he was not THAT young for a dove. If he was to have normal childhood, he would have left nest for ground in next 3-7 days.

કાણિયું

દેવ નું દીધેલ

I push the door again. It was closed from inside. Strange. Mom knew I was out for a morning walk.. "Come from the Back door" she tells me when I ask her to open the door. As I enter the house from back door, she says 'an Injured Babbler baby has come.' I walk to the small front room it was placed in. With door closed and bird sitting on the floor, not enough light to see clearly, but that babbler sized bird definitely was a dove. He sat there on the ground upright.

I am not good at remembering visuals. ok, remembering is not the right word, ability to recall visual knowledge in visual form is.. if that makes sense. i.e. ask me to draw / dictate / or even just visualise how a street I pass by daily looks like - you get nothing. I may identify a person even if meeting him/her after long long gap, but ask me to visually recall even someone I meet daily- none of my neurons will fire. (though this disability is reduced greatly wrt to photographs. somehow I can recall a photograph of a person without that great difficulty.). For very long I had thought that people drawing sketches of someone/something from memory as just a stupid fiction created by some unknowledable fiction writers. Not anymore. Since that morning of 17th May, anytime I try to recall the moment I first saw that baby dove, even when he was barely visible in that room with windows and door closed, I can see it again as I could see it then (though still cant draw). And I had no idea then - that not having video-graphic memory was to be a disability no more till he was there with me.

I open windows, see him closely in the light. Head injury, one eye badly injured- most probably lost. yellow strands of infancy feathers still in abundance over near full greenish-grey feathers, tail as short as it could be. The other eye that was unhurt was having no fear or anxiety in it, it was not even curiously focused on the animal with evil reputation sitting in front of him in this completely alien environment. Yes, it was what I guess infancy shield to fear - when fear is not able to serve any useful purpose, why have it? but, there was something else too about its personality.. Anyway, he sat there as if nothing had happened, doing what he was supposed to do - preening continuously, as if having no doubt that everything else is just fine.

I tell mom it was not a babbler but a dove baby - Eurasian collared dove baby and ask how did it arrive? Kids playing out there found it and they delivered it here thinking we can take care of it she says. Where? How long back? to which she informs only a few mins back. I did not know what I should be doing but as a reflex reaction, I put some water in front of the baby bird, sprinkle some turmeric on head injury, call a friend asking to look up what do Eurasian collared dove baby eat (internet wasn't working as usual) and go out to see if those kids were still around. I find them not far away. They show me the tree from which nest was broken, show place (almost 20-30 meters away from the nest) where they found the dove baby and also showed me that its parent was looking for the baby near the nest tree.

Feeding the Dove baby - The problem and an easy solution

I get back, have breakfast (very unusual of me not to get hyperactive and rush and avoid having breakfast despite knowing I wont fare very well in doing so), pick up the baby dove, go and show to the parent who was surely looking for it and was anxious not finding it. I go there, hold the baby high, try to make it as visible as possible to parent and then put it on the ground. Parent notices the baby, comes somewhat near it but doesn't come all the way. Meanwhile the baby, not quite dull even in that low light room had burst into activeness as soon as it was out of the door, under the open sky. Such a small thing, heavily injured not too long ago was also difficult to keep in my hands for few meters from home to nest tree (no, it was not a struggle to escape, it was in fact display of activeness in safety of protecting hands.) The parent, however wouldn't close the remaining distance. I keep going farther thinking parent is afraid of me, but no luck.

Then, another parent arrived. I show the baby to it as well and back off again. In no time the Mother was next to the baby, who was screaming with joy at the prospect of getting food. She feeds him, like the baby, she too show no concern about situations not quite 'normal'. i.e. that baby was out of the nest, on ground, injured and carried here by a human. She simply comes, stays near the baby for a while, feeds and flies off - all the while the first parent, who was now termed Father keeps watching with uncertainty. After a short-while however, he too comes down cautiously, as he approaches baby making sound announcing his presence, the baby sensing his presence puts all its energy and enthusiasm in asking food and finally gets his father feed him. It was nearly 45 mins now that I was sitting with the baby there. but it was well worth it. Baby was accepted by parents, they were both feeding it. Baby appeared healthy and happy.

I did not have to worry about what to feed, how to feed. All I needed to do was sit there guarding the baby and rest will be taken care of. I was relieved at this easy and instant success at this unexpected problem which was looking quite difficult an hour ago.

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I intend to make it multi-part post. yes, It is not any narrative intended to convey some idea / thoughts etc. but only and purely an factual account of those days with my baby dove. Why I felt I should clarify this is that life is not constrained by compulsion of having a point. and if you read thinking it has any point and keep trying to find some, you may be disappointed. I am also not in any position to guarantee that mood, level of detail or anything within any two parts will have harmony - for, all I have right now is the first past above. and I never manage to know what kind of and if at all I will be able to write next sentence. (I did think of writing the whole stuff first and then posting in parts, but if I aim at that, I probably may end up not writing it.)

Micchāmi Dukkaḍaṃ

क्षमा शोभती उस भुजंग को
जिसके पास गरल हो
उसको क्या जो दंतहीन
विषरहित, विनीत, सरल हो।
- रामधारी सिंह दिनकर

I will be back to these lines in a while.

AT start of latest internet near outage - which appears to have became less severe yesterday, I thought of visiting library and see if I had missed any Asimov book during my previous visits few years back. To my pleasant surprise, there were many. Library was in better hands and books better organised now. Now, given that in last three+ years, if you have heard me talking about something at a higher frequency than even my babblers, that's Asimov's stories, you can easily guess what must have happened. Yes, for last few days I was spending all the time reading him - till eyes started hurting enough that I have taken a break now.

At one place he was talking about how he felt about 'Modern poetry'. that he is unable to make any sense of it and finally reaches conclusion that its written so as if any layman can understand it, its supposed to be an insult to the poet. I could instantly relate to the dis-tasteful feeling he was talking about. No, I am luckier and have escaped any such Modern poetry but its similar feeling I get seeing photographs of those who call themselves photographers (which again, fortunately, I don't come across except on rarest of occasions.).

With respect to 'poetry', even though I managed not to suffer similarly, I haven't escaped completely unhurt. I find source of that dis-tasteful feeling lying not with the poetry or the poet - but masses that appreciate it. Let me try to explain with an example. whenever I see people appreciating a film song (not poetry, but who knows, people may even call it that and anyway I don't claim expertise to say what is poetry and what is not), it always kills my numerous neurons (that's what I call that dis-tasteful feeling generated while trying to make sense where doing so is not possible). It is 'Panchhi Nadiyan Pawan Ke Jhonke..' Here, what the problem is? that humans have created boarders - which restricts free movement (in some cases at least - which may even be the only relevant case for the lyricist.) and THAT this problem is unique to the humans. Solution? - you would be better off being anything else like bird, river or wind. - I don't wonder how someone could write this. for, someone could write anything he pleases - what I wonder is how so many can appreciate this. i.e. if problem statement is man creating movement restriction for man by marking territories and defending them - has no one ever heard of bird territories? I wish all the appreciators become something like my magpie robin or Myna or Doves or any other bird and try to go and sit and sing, display, just few trees away. And, how does a river or wind possibly act like a live bird or animal? what's point of clubbing and comparing them here? If the problem is defined as man stopping x/y/z.. I thought rivers crossing (or not crossing) borders could create even a bigger issue than men crossing borders. No? And yet, so many people think its a clever line describing a problem and solutions in wonderful way! How in-depth and intelligent society I am privileged to be part of! Anyway, this was an old case and it is not why I am writing today.

Few days back, there was a birth anniversary of a well known poet - Poet of the lines at the start - I found those lines mentioned by someone on twitter. Words in those lines flow beautifully and as you read each word in a way its supposed to be read, the sound itself creates an impression that what is written is right. Its same effect that when suddenly someone makes a very confident statement, you tend to believe in it.

but wait, how do you say defenceless (दंतहीन, विषरहित) and विनीत, सरल in same breath? Is the poet representing/addressing a culture that takes modesty, simplicity as signs of lack of strength, of weakness? Really?

and.. well, forgiveness indeed decorates the powerful but second line again throws me into dark where I struggle to understand what kind of popular understanding makes it a popular poetry.

I find two major clashes between my understanding of things and what appears to be popular understanding given that this is a popular poem. They are,

What is क्षमा (forgiveness)
When it is easy to forgive and its usefulness.

Let me start with the second point. okay, do you remember being victimised in any small/big way when you were weak, defenceless, could just do nothing to the wrong doer? how easy was forgiving then? and how about a situation when you were all strong, could demolish the wrong-doer in an instant and tried to forgive, tried to think of situation in dis-passionate way instead of through hate emanating by unforgiving state of mind? I think its not difficult to see that difficulty in forgiving varies inversely with our strength (of course other things being equal). In that case, for the weak, forgiving is a much greater task than the powerful and has greater reward also. He would save himself from wasting his already low resources in trying to accomplish impossible and instead can focus on growing stronger.

and, what is क्षमा in first place? I think it is often interpreted that its letting go of wrong doer. Again a great conflict with my understanding. As taught to me, its letting go of self (from being further victim of the hate generated within). what you do with the wrong doer has nothing to do with if you have forgiven or not. It should only and entirely depend on what is धर्म (Duty). Forgiveness only helps one performing duties without suffering from a clouded vision that comes from hateful mind that has not forgiven. It only facilitates dealing with wrong doer appropriately - including punishing him IF that is appropriate in the case.

and so, to me, when act of forgiving is independent from how you deal with external situation, when I read and try to understand how act of forgiving is irrelevant if you are weak - it instantly starts killing my neurons. To save them, I was trying hard what could possibly explain it. And I suspect its Elitism. You see, then anyway what matters, what is credit worthy is what the Strong does. Its not the act of forgiveness by weak that is irrelevant, it is the weak himself who is irrelevant. (and it doesn't require you be a Strong to be elitist, you can as well be weak, very weak and still be one - its an ideology, free to subscribe. -or possibly even bribed to subscribe - but let me not start a sub post here.)

No wonder this took me so long to reach here - this concept of Elitism is very very new to me and I guess if I was late by few more years, may even have missed chance (not that I would have regretted missing the chance) to see how Strong elitists behave, specially when ideology is contracting, free lunches taken away - for, I guess elitism appears to be up for a great crash. Looks like 200YMA is decisively broken, confirmed by volumes and you can see panic among those caught against the trend.

P.S. If you happen to be someone who have grown up with Dinakar's poems and if me calling his lines representation of elitism has hurt you (it happens with all of us - suddenly someone criticising what we had held in high regards hurts at first - even if we later manage to accept criticism.) Then please recall what we all must have learned in childhood..
क्षमा बलमशक्तानाम्
शक्तानाम् भूषणम् क्षमा।
and do forgive me.

Ganga's visit

If I had to describe a River till a few years back,  it was mainly a sandy path in which some amount of water flows or not - depending on the season. Those like me, who have known rivers while living in semi-arid regions may find this description of river quite acceptable. I was neither a great student in school days (I had preserved my brain to be used for later years in life, you know.) nor particularly interested in geography. Still, there was one thing that I remembered - textbook said Ganga never dries up. It was unbelievable amazing thing. Since last few years, being close to Ganga now, this is simple given fact and nothing amazing about it anymore.

Three years back my geography knowledge increased a bit further. that year, Ganga started swelling in a manner I had not seen before. Each morning to evening and evening to morning, it kept swelling. and then, it was overflowing! It was 'flood' to me. My ignorance got support of wonderful media we have and I would have stopped at concluding that it was Flood in a sense of being negative excess which is cause of destruction. In other words, the river was crossing its boundary and occupying space that belonged to land creatures - mainly humans. Fortunately however my schooldays decision to keep brain safe for future use came to rescue and I learned words like Active floodplain and River space. It was also interesting to see India in yet another way - how different areas affect each other based on River basins they belong to. I read then that Ganga, on an average occupies its near full space every 2-3 years.

Three years down the line, couple of weeks back, the river was again nearer than usual. I too walked remaining distance. Found Kites and Herons where I usually photograph other birds.

Some old shots of other birds photographed at same place.

Long and short versions

I, for few years had thought that lack of exposure to the world in general was a big drawback I suffered from. Grew up in not just pre-wiki-google, pre-email era but there wasn't even TV in early days (phone, hasn't really managed to become mainstream part of life even today). Plus, I was a completely non social child of completely non social parents, so voluntary exposure to humans in real world was also almost nil.

Why I say 'for few years' in first sentence is, before those few years, I had no idea of world to which I had no exposure and after those few years, I started getting doubts wrt to both if it really was a drawback or if it was possible to give exposure to me at all - would I been a lot different lets say if my parents were very social and if I had to grow up in world like today's? I increasingly suspect answer to that is No. May be, I would have acted less stupid on some (okay, many) occasions, been less lost at times and may have avoided some mistakes, but at core level, I think I still would have managed to turn out more or less same in the end.

But anyways, there were certain side effects of reality that was me and my environment. I sometime leave people surprised at or unable to understand my actions. for example, I learned recently that to watch Loksabha/Rajysabha TV with lot of interest was probably strange for a teenager or as I had learned earlier that you could give shock to someone if you happen to ask "who is this person on hording" if he turns out to be most popular film star of recent time. and how could I forget the frightened look on faces of all around me once while waiting at bus stop near my old home. Cause of that look was behind me. A big bull standing almost touching me. Well, that was the same individual who when it was young used to come to me everyday to talk. We happened to change home after that and it was after long time he had seen me.

So, I watched Lok Sabha TV (I had no idea that something like politics exists, my interest was they were talking India), I also watched live telecasts of ISRO launches since ASLV days with great excitement, and for the same reason (theme India), I never missed davis cup games nor did I doubt Doordarshan's commentator during 1993 Davis cup quarterfinal when he said Ramesh Krishan can still make a come back if he looks at Tiranga just once at this moment. India was playing against France, who had won Davis cup just two years back. Krishnan, playing for the tie, was down 1-2, 2-5, 0-40 (if my memory serves me right) in fourth set, that match was on France's home ground and yet, I actually believed the Doordarshan commentator wholeheartedly.

Unfortunately, I ended up depriving myself of joys of tunnel vision once I started working in late 90s (it was kind of tunnel vision replaced by complete blindness) with only few exceptions like watching 2004 Olympics or dreaming (actual dream, not just wish or hope) of Rupee reaching level of 42 around same time. Nadir came sometime in 2008 when I found myself googling to find out who is prime minister of India. But then, that hopeless state of mind has also passed and I have again achieved mental state somewhat similar to early 90's. 

If I just say it in short, what I mean is, I am quite eagerly looking forward to Olympics and may not post for three more weeks.

કાળિયું કુતરુ, કાણિયું કબુતર and I

કાળિયું કુતરુ (Black dog): A Black dog that one day decided that she will spend most of its time in my front yard, actually sitting as near as main door as possible. However, as its decision didn't go well with me, after long and difficult negotiations, it now sits few feet away in a way that it doesnt come in a way or directly visible standing at the door.

કાણિયું કબુતર (One eyed Pigeon): A Collered dove baby arrived at my home some 5+ weeks back when it was some 11-12 old. It was delivered at home by kids who found him on the gound, injured, broken nest hanging in a tree nearby. It had lost its one eye, had non major looking injury on head but was a strong, solid, happy baby not showing signs of tragedy it had gone through on its behaviour. Its parents too readily fed him for next 4-5 days as I carried him back and forth to where its nest was.

I: yours truly.

First 3 - 4 days: I was really scared of કાળિયું and always tried hiding baby dove from it as I carried it to/from its parents. It was however soon became apparent how clumsy my attempts were and that the dog almost always saw it in my hands.

next 1-2 days: both of us (કાળિયું and me) knew that hiding was ineffective still both were most at ease at pretending it was hidden.

Next few days: I gave up pretending and the dog was in big trouble. it was very scared of the strange situation and would run away at sight of the baby dove - even stopped sitting at his hard negotiated place.

next few days: Now it was dog who started to compromise with the situation. soon, it accepted the baby as one of the family and would even pass by it within few inches. this situation however was still unsatisfactory. I wanted my baby dove to learn to fear dogs. after all, not all dogs will be as good to him as કાળિયું.

few days later: કાણિયું found dog running directly above its head and before it could recover, dog came back and crossed it in reverse direction. કાણિયું appeared to be scared. and I thought correct reactions are in place now.

two days ago, when I was thinking of writing above, as I momentarily dropped my guard, found another female dog and my idiot baby dove sniffing each other in an exercise to getting to know each other leaving me where I started - Absolutely scared.

A tale of three species

Last Sunday afternoon around 5 pm Comman Myna distress call fell on my ears. I was sitting outside with the reason that is keeping me offline for last few weeks. My ability to recognise and respond to the call was affected somewhat as brain was pre-engaged with current duty but even then it did not result in delay more than couple of seconds when I could not dismiss the calls as routine alert calls by Myna - even though I could not think beyond what if not routine alert calls indicating presence of some predator not of immediate danger to them, I needed to respond. go and check.

I call Mom, handover my duty to her and run towards the tree where Mynas were in problem. they have their nest in that Gulmohar tree only few meters away. I see there was an animal high up there - rather, I could not see the animal high up there. No, it was not that high, actually I was wearing my reading glasses. (Few months back, while trying to take macro shots, I ended up scratching and making one of the correct number (fiber) glasses nearly opaque, and since then instead of buying a new glass, I am trying to reduce my number to current reading glasses to save 400 rupees. so unless I need to respond to such distress calls, use reading glasses all the time.). All I could make out was, there was some animal in high up tree cavity. I could not see properly and could not decide what to do - I ran back home to change glasses. I pick up glasses and also make an error I should be ashamed of. I thought it was already too late to help Mynas if their nest cavity was within reach of the animal and picked up camera to record what animal that was. (I should have remembered something useful to threaten the raider rather than remembering camera). Mom however didnt make that mistake and asked me to get the long bamboo stick too. all these took not more than few moments and I was there again in front of the tree with correct glasses, camera and bamboo stick. 

What struck me instantly was - what level of predator I WAS. ..or at least how powerful species I belong to. So far I was looking at the episode from Myna and my perspective but as I reach there and see the animal was already on its way down from Neem tree next to where it was originally, I suddenly see things from his perspective. It was escaping the scene as fast as it could - why? because one human - who cant leave ground to reach him that high on tree- came, could not even see him properly and went back as fast as it came without doing anything. and still that being tentatively seen by human created a big risk for it from which it needed to flee asap.

I managed to capture couple of shots before it manged to reach ground and run at full speed away from me.

hope to be back soon

I had ended previous post saying there were no points in guessing theme for May archives post - what I could not guess then that the May may never come.

Variety of factors kept me offline and may continue to do so for few more days. However, now that I can be online enough to leave a note, thought should say I and this blog still exist and hope to be back soon.

Myopia - an update

Remember my Myopia reduction Post of last January? Well, I had ended that post with lot of conservativeness saying so far I had no evidence of things other than ageing at play, but that didn't mean I lost optimism about future and hoped things to turn out better than only ageing would dictate. Specially the doctor's categorical assertion saying my myopia won't reduce further felt like a strong indicator to me that it would, and that it would reduce sooner and faster rather than later and slower. No, its not that I always take short-cut to knowledge by assuming things would be opposite of what the doctors say nor do I disregard sensible things they say just because they are saying it – in fact, I was there actively seeking his help. Isn't it? Its just that as I tried to understand myopia and its reduction with age, it became increasingly clear that the doctor's response was not that my numbers wont reduce further, instead, it was to be interpreted as he didn't know why my numbers had reduced in first place and because he didn't understand that, he ruled out further decrease. thankfully, he could not change past just because he didn't understand it. and thankfully not even future will change just because of that.

Well, in any case I was convinced that more I can take near-stress off, good for my eyes, whether it translates to reduction in myopia or not. So, I had made  a reading glass with one less diopter correction and more simplified number (I dropped cylindrical component altogether).

At January beginning, corrective powers I used wear (incorrect for few months at least): (-10.25, -1.0), (-10, -0.75)

New Numbers I got in January last year: (-8.75, -0.5), (-8.75, -0.5)

Self prescribed reading glasses I hoped to use: (-8.0), (-8.0)

Now, I did find my reading glasses showing computer screen well but I mostly forgot to put them on and when did, after few mins they started becoming uncomfortable and started giving headache. I kept checking my unaided near/far focus distance for some three four months but seeing no further improvement, slowly enthusiasm died down. I forgot the reading glasses as well.

Sometime in October, I remembered my reading glasses. Searched for it and put it on expecting it to feel uncomfortable as before or more so as I hadn't used it now for few months (My brain had taken a good 2 months to fully adjust to correct numbers from incorrect ones in January). I put it on and.. things some 2 meters away also appeared in perfect focus. Which meant there was at least 0.5 reduction in number, now down to -8.5 at least.

Next day, noticing that I had actually forgot to switch back from reading glasses, I decide to check unaided focus distance. There indeed was an improvement. Over next three days, vision through -8 glasses continued to improve, easily surpassing that through now obsolete (and disorienting if I put it on) previous glasses. This instant adjustment to new glasses as against previous experience was I think due to the fact that brain had spent some time learning to co-ordinate with these numbers previously. Which meant that getting a reading glass was good idea not only to keep near stress off (which unfortunately I didn't do much) but also to introduce next lower number to brain well in time so that at the time of actual switching, adaptation time is minimal. And btw, so far accommodation has not suffered with improvement in Myopia. So even if its just ageing effect at work, good ageing is working and bad ageing is on hold :-)

P.S. Okay, I know this is not very useful post. I should write more sensible one talking about what things I think might have contributed to betterment I am seeing. But one, I think its still early to start talking about those things as ageing still may be the biggest explanatory factor (and I don't wish reader discount other factors saying 'not significant impact') and two, there are many probable things that might have contributed. So, I need to list them down properly – will do it when I come back with next update talking about next improvement.

butterfly eggs

One morning, determined to take a shot and having failed to get at any of the target subjects, I tried to capture one of the most uninteresting and most common butterfly flying. Butterfly landed on a plant and I waited for it to fly again. few seconds, more.. and more. it wouldn't fly. now it started to get puzzling as to why it sat there so long. I pay attention. it was doing something I didn't understand. I take a shot, magnify and understood why it was sitting there for so very long. Here is part of the video I managed to take after this.

in case, like me you too are not fond of playing videos, here is the photo as well. By no means it can be called rare sighting, but I saw a butterfly laying eggs for the first time. and now I also know these most frequently sighted eggs are that of butterfly.

Had a session or two with macro lens too in last few weeks, photographed my own backyard migrant visitor and watched 'you cant miss them if its March' bird i.e. Hornbill. It was eating away my papaya leaves. Also one morning sighted a Redstart - it chose exactly unlit positions in otherwise brightly sunlit frames, but still, it was nice to see it.

and yes, I had a chance to shoot Sun, Moon and a bird in one frame.

Some photos this time

For more than a year now, my walks with camera and resultant shots have kind of disappeared. I dont see much to photograph and slowly camera stopped accompanying me. This week however was very good light, some human manaaged flowers are already flowering and last week's slight rain did help kick start insect life that was no where to be seen given absence of rain for nearly last six months. I managed few shots too.

Meanwhile, I saw a super tiny spider running on screen as I was writing this post and by the time I end, notice whatever they are, are in very large numbers and by now everywhere on laptop, inside keyboard... appears to be coming out from the wooden bed on which i have put laptop. or probably they are mites or worse termites? This bed is lying outside just next to termite infested branch that had fallen few days back.. and its no good news then. need macro camera to find out. okay, let me publish this first.

My soil (dis)connect

I have some few sq feet land around home and initially I had thought I could grow some vegetables etc there. Over last five six years I have now learned that land is filled with small bricks pieces and stones, it has termite and/or termite like thing that I think doesnt allow some of the things to grow, if something still manages to sprout, my dear Mor finishes it off diligently and just in very rare case something grows to be few inches tall, its likely to be run over/damaged by dogs, humans. Combine these conditions with my complete disconnect with soil - I do things like planting few years old seeds, do it in random season, have no clue of soil or water requirement of anything I try to grow etc. and I am so settled with my ignorance and failures that it just doesn't occur to me that there is an option to try to improve, to learn.

All these however, doesn't always discourage me from randomly wanting to grow something or other. To not unnecessarily waste my energy, early last year I started to put all the seeds in one or two pots and water them randomly thinking if something does come up, I will re-plant.

Around late June/ early July there were lots and lots of yellow rain lilies around. I simply love those flowers scattered on the ground.  I went around collecting seeds - timing was perfect and I managed to get hundreds, actually thousands of them. I added as many possible to a pot and scattered remaining seeds all around. it rained everyday after that so watering was not an issue. A week later, while inspecting pot surface with my unaided eye (which had advantage of built in +9 dioptre magnification given my myopia), I saw some sprouts coming up. over next two weeks, Hundreds of  young rain lilly plants were growing in the Pot as well as all around. Just as I declared it a success story, plants on ground started disappearing - I still dont know what happened to them but within days, the pot was the only place they still had survived. - yet another failed experiment..

Anyway, while collecting lilly seeds, I had found dried out fruits of Rose on a big Rose plant and took one or two home out of curiosity and also try to plant it. Mom turned out slightly less ignorant and told me that you don't plant rose seeds. I google and find it true - except that someone had given elaborate process if you really wanted to grow it from seeds. I do the first step or half- sock the cleaned seeds for some two hours in some hot or cold water, and then put them in my two pots standing under the Sun of July, Pots had, true to the season, managed to grow some fungus at that time. Rose growing tips I just read said how important it was to protect rose seeds from fungus, keep it in cold etc and still it gave very low probability that it will sprout..

Next month, I add some papaya seeds, then some other seeds, then Karela seeds, etc. in same pots, all the while keeping a watch if something does grow - but all I found growing occasionally was one or the other weed. and then, something changed. Two young Karela plants had come up. I replanted both, and both survived. After some more time, there were half a dozen Papaya plants growing in those pots. also re-planted and survived.

Encouraged, I put what I hoped were Gotu Kola seeds. I was very eager to see the herb growing and everyday kept looking out for any signs of it growing. One day, I see something that was different from weeds I had seen before. - they were two of them. Didnt look like Gotu Kola mature leaves but probably first young leaves could be different? I started watering it everyday - Gotu kola needs lots of water. More leaves.. but leaf shape didnt show any convergence to Gotu Kola. It certainly wasn't Gotu Kola and I was disappointed but still confused. what was it?

Defying all odds against it, including the fact that it was me who was trying to grow it, those two plants were of Rose. While I was still celebrating them, there was a third one coming up in second pot.

and meanwhile, I am actually happy that I could grow nearly nothing on the land as per my will. as now, I have come to recognise some of the weeds that grew on its own. Bhringraj, Bhumi amala, Punarnava, Mahabala.. I actually needed all these and had no clue that they were chasing me all these years. and even if I didnt think I needed those, just knowing how wonderful herbs they are and that I somehow managed not to contribute to their destruction from their land is reason enough to be happy about it. and even more importantly, I have started seeing beauty of land with her own plants growing happily, supporting all the insects, birds and other life.

Also what I learned is, right way to live with plants and soil is no different from that of living with my other friends. (Don't ask me why I might have thought it to be any different in first place - I don't know answer to that.) I mean, when I say 'my babblers', 'my Mor', 'my squirrels'.. what I also mean is babblers, Mor, squirrels who call me 'their human' and that's the key to our connect. so if I happen to report a success story wrt to plants and soil in coming time, it will be success story of the plants and soil, not mine.