From Avidyā to Vidyā

Few years back I got interested in Ayurved. Started reading whatever came my way but somehow I was not able to gain knowledge out of all unconnected bits of information I was throwing to myself by reading this or that. So, I also tried reading Classic texts and still found myself able to absorb nothing. Now, given my information foraging style, I often start learning anything where initial inputs seem unconnected and learning is slow but if I stay interested long enough, I usually make 'some' progress. But here, I wasn't getting that feeling of progress.

Then, in few months time, I realised what was the problem. I had been trying to understand health for some time - couple of years at least - of course by reading what allopathic minds had written and it was only when the feeling that not only they are missing most of the things, the foundation itself didn't make sense, grew so much, I had shifted to Ayurved. I started reading Ayurved, which was good - but - I still read in terms say - Heart problem - > cholesterol - > How does Ayurved helps reduce cholesterol?  or, List of symptoms -> IBS -> no clue in allopathy, but how does Ayruved help in IBS. To make the matters worse, many of what I read in initial days was also written by those thinking like how I thought then. (which was natural as what I was reading was based on my own google searches.). But ultimately I realised - the precondition to start making progress was to be able to see health as what it is, not in terms of what I had already termed 'not satisfactory'. It wasn't however so easy to shift seeing things as Vata Pitta Kaph imbalance  - have you ever changed your frequently used light switch from one place to another after using it at its previous place for months/years? Knowing it once that its shifted does almost nothing to where your hand goes when you want to switch on/off the light. and here, I didn't even know how to see things in terms of Dosha imbalance. But anyways, once I was on track, it wasnt that difficult to see other things also which I could have never seen while trapped in old state of Avidyā. Like, how body and mind affect each other, how your food will not only affect Dosha balance of your body but also Guna balance (Satv, Rajas, Tamas) of your mind. or that how your Vihar and Vichar affects both Body's Doshas and Mind's Gunas etc.

As I learned and therefore searched better, I found better results and one of the place I reached often and was always impressed was a site Ayurvedacollage.com. I would often read an article there admiring the clarity and unadulterated Ayurvedic approach, and when I reach the end, get kind of confused - the author name was that of a westerner.. but anyways, I almost always had few more tabs open and I had to read them too so I move ahead. But my repeated landings there (sometimes reading same page again and again) gradually ensured that the western name - 'Dr. Marc Halpern' I so often looked at in confusion / simply ignored became a person I started respecting a lot. One day, I also notice there are some multimedia resources available on the site. One of which, I really liked and would like to share and recommend. It is,

'The Role of Consciousness in the Healing Journey' on this page. (Scroll towards the bottom under 'Audio recordings').

Actually, I thought I should share the above link here - and that's why I ended up writing this whole post.

Looking at Past record to project the future (without any guarantees of course)

In last post (ok, one before it), I said I found Jyotish learning can help one to be left with no option but to take responsibility of own life experience. And, it doesn't stop just there, it also helps with strategies to excel at that responsibility.

How?

So, Grah's have their unique personalities, preferences, strengths, way of acting in a situation. Lets take Rahu - It brings material ambition in focus - which may turn to obsession, disregards any rules (legal/moral) that may come in the way of achieving what it wants - may push native on wrong paths (keyword here is 'may' - if you say NO -it wont happen.), often grabs (and gives to native) what is asked for even when he/she may not be deserving at all. and.. as easily he gives what one may not deserve - it can take it back too if he suddenly realises native is undeserving - leading to as spectacular fall as the 'free' rise was.

So, here one learns very obvious pitfalls of getting blinded by material (external) ambition which is the first valuable lesson. Do you say I myself have used word 'obvious' so what's the role of Rahu then? Well, what do you think are chances that this obvious lesson can be reminded to someone(incl self) blinded by material obsession by telling him 'you obsessed blind fool, why don't you see these pitfalls' versus, 'Dear innocent native, pls beware of the Rahu who may trick you to into the obsession and these pitfalls' I think second to be more helpful for two reasons.

One, for those of us (which probably are most of us), who are not always watchful of ways of our mind, how it tries to affect intellect can find it easy if subsets of the mind's tendencies are externalised in convenient packages and then we observe those external entities from a comfortable psychological distance. Second reason I think is, even if one is watchful and aware of mind's tricks and doesn't need Rahu to see what's going on, it may require further effort to ego-disassociate oneself from own mind - its much easy to not ego-identify with Rahu than with our own mind.

Apart from helping to deal with inner world, It also makes some statement about how outer world is likely to behave and how you can make best of it. I mean, isn't it true that if you go out full of confidence (whether or not justified), full force, focused on specific thing that you declare you deserve, world often gives that to you? and what if you find yourself in a situation where you've got what you value but don't think you deserve it? - Well, you have a clue in Rahu's behaviour. Work hard to turn yourself deserving - you don't have to necessarily let it go. (though it doesn't say it will be easy - specially if like outer world, if 'Rahu' has tricked you too in believing that you 'are' deserving candidate to get those prized possessions.)

Then there are relationships - Friendships, mutual respect, enmity, non symmetric relationships. Say, Guru and Shukr, even though they are Gurus of enemies, their relationship is that of mutual respect - as it should be and therefore are not considered enemies. With Guru and Budh, Guru, who is giver of knowledge and wisdom, is very liberal (i.e. not strict) is admired by young, bubbly Budh as it looks upon Guru to learn great things and benefit. However, Guru is extremely uncomfortable with this superficial information driven, material detail oriented child. Guru's placement in Budh's home is indeed one of the bad things to happen as Guru feels constrained and loses its liberal and jovial attitude. And, all these relationships are not all that rigid - based on circumstances (i.e. in each one's own kundli placement), they do collaborate or oppose each other in circumstances specific ways.

Plus, there are houses - that deal with specific areas of life, their natural and functional owners, everyone's interactions with each other in numerous ways etc etc. As you go on thinking about each of the scenarios, it gives you some or other clue as to understand inner and outer world and tackle them better.

So far, I have not given any point beyond that Jyotish can be useful in storifying situations that appear more or less 'logical' even to someone with short memory, small view field. i.e. something that meets immediate cause and effect visibility condition. Also, almost everything I mention is 'general' whereas the whole point of Jyotish is about personal - individual jyotish. Which means, there is more to it than only above.

Jyotish, like our existence, is neither limited by short-immediately linked time spans or a small field of view. i.e. it does not take transactional approach - its more of a ongoing concern way of looking at things. Say, one's Kundli is supposed to be like an opening balance sheet of an ongoing concern and current life is like current financial period. This means that Kundli tells us more about what has happened so far rather than what will happen in future. Yet, it is of course very helpful in projecting probable future - in two ways. 1) As from the balance sheet you can somewhat judge how business was run so far - and given that there is no change in ownership and same people are going to continue running business, you can project likely future behaviour and therefore future outcomes. - Similarly our tendencies/Sanskar carried forward from previous births are supposed to show up in Kundli 2) Irrespective of if the way the business is run continues to be same or not, what is already done needs to reach its logical conclusion. Say, if a company balance sheet shows near maturity debt/advances etc, they indicate near term cash flows and if that 'near term' is within your current financial period, they become kind of inevitable notwithstanding what you do starting now. or say If your debt equity ratio is already hugely above your optimal one, your ability to borrow cheaply will be limited. Similarly, we need to face our 'Prarabdh' - those effects which are due now, for which causes have already happened - This again is supposed to be reflected in Kundli. In short, at individual level, Kundli is supposed to indicate person's tendencies, constraints/flexibility earned based on past actions. without taking away even an inch of free will from the person.

Now, I do believe in most of above. - that we are constrained/facilitated by tendencies that we have developed on our own and that we have free will to decide our present path and that all the rules of Jyotish can be a good help while trying to make sense of the things etc etc. but I have still not answered the question that started my journey - 'Do all these get reflected in Kundli'? I had started with objective of reaching the answer NO to this question, today, is that the answer I have reached? or is there ANY answer for which I can argue convincingly? Actually, there was a very strange situation right from the start. While studying/exploring Jyotish, it was required that I think in terms like 'This means X and that means Y' as against 'This is supposed to mean X and that is supposed to mean Y' - you cant learn without trust - or at least I don't know how to do it. Which meant starting from exactly opposite end from my stated objective was pre-condition for my Jyotish journey.

Today, I think I do find things fitting in pretty well many times. But, I am not in position to argue for it properly. for one, with numerous interactions, at detailed level a Kundli can be interpreted in as many ways probably as there are interpreters, (i.e. it requires skill and 'someone is not skillful enough' and 'something is possible or not' are two very different things) plus to formulate any rational test - lot of data, many volunteers and lot of effort would be required. None of which I have or have intention to gather in near future. So then, does it mean, after such a long post on topic, I am going to leave it without taking any personal stance? Ok, let me try to do something better than that.

Lets design a test case as this. Take birth charts of some extra ordinary people and some more or less average people and mix them. Then, if the task is to segregate them, do I think result can be better than what randomness demands? i.e. Say, if presented with 50 Kundli, 40 average and 10 significantly above average, and asked to identify 10 above average, would it be possible to identify more than two extra-ordinary people correctly with good confidence level? I tend to think it should be possible to identify some 5-7. (and remember, this is when Kundli is only like an opening balance sheet and opening balance sheets can only give indications about current financial year, it cant give any fatalistic view of it.) If I will ever happen to execute this test case in proper strict conditions, will update results here.

Does it mean I recommend / believe in forecasts? No. But do I still think Jyotish is something one should avoid as I believed when I started? No again. Learning it can be made a rewarding journey is what I think now.

P.S.
Did I tell you? Death is as non event as drawing a balance sheet is for a business. Ok, slightly more. you can say its like closing an accounting period.  It is separated from all bad and good things - i.e. ill health, accidents etc etc which we tend to associate with death. Plus, there is no special status given to physical death as such - there are only transformations - old making way for new and body death is just one of them. and so though my initial prediction for upcoming death didn't come true, I did get transformed in at least one way - I look at it in a different way now.

Myopia - Summary

I have talked about this subject couple of times before, last time I had promised to write more useful post. Here is the attempt.

History of my own myopia (and how I mismanaged everything about it):

First prescription was -1.75 at the age of around 8, kept adding -0.50 to it at every visit to eye doctor every six months to a year till it reached -6.50/-7.00 at age when he assured it wont rise further. I had strictly worn glasses for each moment when my eyes were open, used huge sized frames that left no room for eyes to catch a glimpse of world directly. Soon after I started working, equally diligently I switched to contact lenses as recommended by the eye doctor - wearing them would help arresting further deterioration was the professional advise - as it would be even more effective in doing what those huge frame glasses did. (Okay, getting rid of those ugly glasses were also a motivation - enough of it even if doctor had not recommended.) - with work, computers screens became inevitable part of the day.

Inexplicably, viewing experience did not improve and even started getting worse - some of it was resolved when I got number rechecked - with higher prescription, though increased astigmatism could not be taken care - with lenses not supporting that correction (at that time at least) plus some other deterioration simply started becoming part of life - say dry eyes towards end of the day which slowly progressed to dry eye as soon as I put on lenses. and of course, I had forgotten what a clear and comfortable viewing experience is. In few years I had reached prescription of -10 / -10.25 sph, -1 cyl in both eyes. I had hit the bottom but at least after a long time, I found this new prescription accurate and satisfactory. (I escaped having my eyes operated to reduce myopia at this moment purely because my luck prevailed over my stupidity)

Some three years later, I was again at eye doctor's place - with mom, for her eye checkup. Given that my specs had become nearly opaque due to scratches, even though I had no problem with my prescription, I thought of getting numbers rechecked before making new specs. Indeed, fresh numbers were almost identical to what I was using for so long. btw, during these first of its kind three years when my eyesight didn't deteriorate, I had abandoned my lenses and switched back to glasses, my computer usage had gradually decreased, time with nature increased- trying to find bird among the trees near and far.

Few uncorrelated things happened over next two and half years. My computer + net rarely worked, my interest got shifted from birds to macro photography which changed how my eyes needed to work while photographing as well as time spent under the Sun (which increased significantly) and, in 2013 later half, I managed to find a remedy for my hyper acidity that had reached so troubling level that each day had become a nightmare.

End result of all these (plus probably ageing on my side) was that since mid 2014 my viewing experience through glasses, which was steady for nearly six years now, started deteriorating again - this time for a different reason. My Myopia had reversed its direction. As I had mentioned in my first post on this topic in January 2015 - it was reduced by a good -1.5D to be -9.00 now. Next year there was another reduction of -1D to -8.00 and now, its -7.50.

So, what all things appear to have contributed to my years of horrible viewing experience and what helped reversing the situation?

What Harmed
Near stress - both more time spent focusing near and continuously focusing at same near distance
Lack of time outdoors and under the Sun
Contact Lenses - By far the most horrible thing to have happened to me

What Helped
Reversal of all of above factors
My hyper acidity remedy - Triphala. Even as all the stress factors were reversed for more than five years, my eye sight only had steadied, it didn't start improving until after few months of me using triphala every day. Later, when I was experiencing significant near stress as I continued to use higher powered glasses for few months, also discovered value of triphala eye wash as immediate eye comfort. Its simply amazing.
Macro photography helped in more than one ways I think. Macro subjects often required to concentrate longer for perfect focus as well it was mostly with Sun in front and not back (not looking at Sun, but its still in front) - as a result my eyes often felt concentration 'stress' and responded with producing tears. - This I think produced much the same effect as 'Tratak'. Second, macro photography required much more steadiness - physical and mental. I guess that should have helped to improve Vata balance.

Now, I could have written most of above in my March '16 post as well. Why I didn't do it then? its because I had a feeling of missing something. listing out stress factors and set of DOs and Don'ts didn't look like very right way to understand the issue. But then something happened last year which made things clearer. Last year, couple of months were difficult - as in they ended up vitiating my Vata and Pitta quite a lot. Among all other impact it had, my numbers, which had reduced to -7.25 by then went back to -8.00 or even slightly worse. Now, during this sharp deterioration, none of the stress factors were in place and eye specific lifestyle was as good as it could be. yet, I did not wonder why it happened - for, I 'knew' it was due to deterioration of Vata and pitta. You know it takes some time before I realise what I already know. So, that's what I was missing - more elegant solution to eye health and unsurprisingly it tells us that eyes are part of our body - they dont work in isolation/as a stand alone system. and when I look back at all those years since childhood when my numbers were going from bad to worse - what was happening with by Vata Pitta balance? yes, trend was exactly the same.

Let me try to explain with an example. Say, Someone's bones are very weak. Now, he can try to save say his hand from fracture by protecting hands well. Similarly if he is interested in avoiding leg fracture, he can be extra careful about leg protection. but despite all these extra care, there is always risk of fractures so far as underlying bone weakness exist. Now, if he can get rid of his bone weakness, he need not worry about each and every bone specifically. Focusing on all-out eye specific care is like protecting specific bone. (and then similarly you go and do specific things for your skin, for your liver, heart...) Maintaining your Vata, Pitta and Kaph in balance is like strengthening bones. 

Does that mean you can go ahead and expose your eyes to any or all stressors? Well.. what do you think will happen to even someone with strong bones if he engages in.. in any bone-breaking activity? Similarly, even if you maintain overall vata pitta balance, constant stressors to eyes can disturb local vata pitta and show effects. Fair usage policy always apply.

ન જાણ્યું જાનકીનાથે સવારે શું થવાનું છે

Meaning of the heading (a line from a poem) is, even Ram could not know what was going to happen next morning. 

Topic of this post is something I loved to learn and play with (and still do). I tried to talk about it few times (many posts had 'background' that I hoped to use), but failed. Now, with previous post as background, I guess I can finally get to it. If you are wondering what could warrant such hesitation - let me straight away introduce the subject. Its ज्योतिष (Astrology). 

I had heard amateurish (enthusiastic, basic level) mention of it since childhood - which grah is in whose home, when he is happy / irritated / strong / weak, who are friends, enemies, their nature and what not. i.e. they were familiar identities. They were part of life just like hundreds of other Pauranic and historical characters who had made themselves familiar through all the stories around them. All these was fine but there was some discomfort as well - that of faladesh (forecasts). Okay, there was no real reason for that discomfort - If despite me growing up in a culture where many people preferred worshipping Sakar Gods, where I got fully familiar and comfortable with all the historical as well as Puranic characters and their mutual interactions, if no one from same culture ever bothered that I didn't show interest in worshipping rituals, or asked if Nirakar variety interests me or that if at least I had considered Nirgun Idea, and similarly, if I never found other's preferences my business, why should faladesh bother me? It was for those who believe in it, believe in it, right? still, I felt I should argue against forecasting and forecasts. but how to argue against something you haven't studied?

So, one morning, I said, I will study Jyotish so that when someone tells me its because of xyz why such and such thing happened, I can speak in language they understand and express my arguments against faladesh. Started with making tables with basic entities, relationships, characteristics etc etc and then it was reading some tutorials, various forums, some blogs, articles, multiple viewpoints, learning few things, unlearning many others every day and my own kundli to experiment my latest level of skill each day-end. Why I had started studying in no way interfered with how I studied - this learning had become a pure 'play' for me the moment I started. btw, one of the first things I 'saw' in my kundli was it had favourable indications for me learning astrology and I was so happy, and soon I see I could die in coming months and that was scary.. 

But forecasts apart, before I reach there, I had to learn basics about chart preparation (yes, software makes it for you these days, but you need to know what it means). I think it was first time I understood my own calendar, rather understood what a calendar is. My appreciation of it and disappointment at we not making use of it for no good reason have already found place in some of my earlier posts.

Back to forecasting, actually, that was immensely useful too from the very beginning - a highly non social person, who was also adamant on not working, it kept me connected to few people who had volunteered to be my test subjects. and then, a single - yet spectacular (well, for the person concerned at least) and exact prediction coming true against all odds - took control out of my hands - now I had a group with lot of faith in my forecasting skills irrespective of what I wanted them to believe.

As I learned to look at kundli in newer ways, interpretation of same kundli often changed drastically every six months to a year, but for long enough, I could hold on to my initial view that all these was, at best, good entertainment. and that you could get accepted as good astrologer if you are good with language and psychology. Also, I never tried to gain in-depth/ detailed/classically accepted level of forecasting abilities by considering all levels of looking at chart or learning all rules/yogs. I slowly settled at Kundli reading based on kind of what I 'feel' when it look at it, rather than trying to be accurate or detailed as per rules.

I didn't realise when my understanding changed by how much, but the way I look at Jyotish today is something completely different from anything I might have imagined in early 2009 while deciding to learn it. Today, I see it as something that primarily serves the learner - i.e. if I want benefits out of it, best way to do is to learn, not find a Jyotishi. Its a bit like, if I want to swim, I need to learn swimming, finding someone who knows swimming may not be of much help. okay, he can rescue me or teach swimming, but not much beyond it.

So, what it does to the learner (as I see it)? If I try to think of shortest possible answer, it would be, it leaves no option but to take responsibility of own life experience. And, it doesn't stop just there, it also helps with strategies to excel at your responsibility. (Now, Nature always have multiple ways to achieve anything. so by no means, I am suggesting learning Jyotish is the only way to get these benefits - what I am saying is, this is what a learner can get out of it. and isnt it nice to learn few core things again and again in very different ways?).

How?

ok, I realise answering this 'How?' right here may make this post unduly lengthy and it may not be the best thing to start writing about it when reader is already in mood to glance at length of the remaining text. and I guess, its this feeling why I have got stuck at this point for more than a week now. So, let me try to answer it in next post.

so, what is my स्वधर्म?

I belonged to that lucky era when children did not start formal education much before five. Okay, I did attend a nearby run-from-home 'Bal Mandir' before turning five, and also it wasn't completely no impact period - till date, my favourite snack is Sev-Mamara exactly how I eat then - home made, low oil, no masalas except haldi and salt, 80 percent Mamara, 20 percent Sev.

But that luck could only help till five and I was sent to a big Reputed school one day. A huge hall, hundreds of in-uniform, disciplined (behaviourally standardised), energetic, smiling, smart children; teachers with friendly but still authoritative tone and an air that expected those who breath it in - to fit in. Needless to say, I almost felt breathless. As soon as I reached home, I declared, I wouldn't go there again. and I didn't go there again. (unknown to me then, but mom too wasn't in favour of me going there - but anyway, I still think, it was 'largely' my decision to not go to that school.). I happily spent first three years of my schooling at a govt school - during whole of that period my only learning related school memory is that of 'once' answering some arithmetic question from last row, rather, that of getting up from the sitting position on the floor to standing position to answer, as I don't remember question or answer. (it was no frills classroom and so no benches). I guess those were the most productive years of my education. I learned alphabets and numbers, sentences and basic arithmetic, got into habit of reading (story)books and the most important of all - started learning to to learn. Why they could become academically the most productive years is due to the two things. One - I was introduced to reading, writing, calculation, books (mostly by parents).. and two - I was never asked to 'work' towards acquiring those abilities. It was pure 'play'.

I wont bore you with my detailed biography but in later years too - be it study, work or even simple everyday situations, while not exceptional, I think I did well enough whenever I was 'playing' and it was almost always a disaster when I was expected to either fit in or Work, specially when I actually tried to fit-in / Work.

In what exact sense I am using words play and work? Play is purely for its own sake, not for anything else. There are no concepts like usefulness, compulsion (mandated by anybody other than self), expected and/or desired reward that is different from activity undertaken (i.e. I study because I want to study - is play. I study because it will help me gain social approval / prove me a better student compared to others / will land me a good job etc are work - where study is work for which there is external reward - someone's acceptance / praise of me / a good job etc.).

So, when it comes to my स्वधर्म - first condition is, I am not best suited for Work. I better play, rather, I can only play. Trying to Work starts self destruction process instantaneously.

Now, play what? Sparing you of details of arriving at /explanation to the answer, the best suited play for me is to learn, to understand, to be aware of. and subjects that I pick up for learning(playing) keep presenting themselves to me - in no specific order. and you know where I am most lucky? I started so much unaware, unlearned, that life experience can potentially be somewhat like.. when you are hungry.. rather malnourished and presented with Chappan bhog.

This probably also explains why I find myself most at home on alive land with lots of native species living happily. If you want to do anything, its best done in setting where everyone else too enjoys same thing. and, I think, when it comes to playing, learning, and most importantly, being aware, any random species can beat human hands down (taking average representative vs average representative while not downplaying variations of individualities of any species). Obviously then a happy family of native species is a perfect setting. Isn't it?

Summer Archives: એક ડાળના પંખી 2/2

It was not, as never is, about best frames and perfect pictures. Uncommon behaviours, interactions between them, sometime factoring in your presence were the moments where photo quality becomes secondary.

Treepie - who, usually tries to take nearly all benefits that species which are much less shy of humans take, given a chance, will stay away from humans. i.e. they wont increase proximity / ignore humans if doing so doesn't come with matching reward.

One day, a treepie comes, sits on the perch in front of camera and goes to sleep. It was evident that for whatever reasons, it was unable to stay awake and even when disturbed (by crows - but who were however restrained by me sitting only few feet away.), it quickly faded back to sleep. At first, I thought it was strange that she chose a place as near as possible to human presence to come and sleep (when usually she wouldn't sit there for long for no reason even in alert mode), but later thought it was probably using me as a shield against those annoying crows who wouldn't let her sleep at all otherwise.

Extra ordinary heat takes extra ordinary resources to survive and sleep is a wonderful way to save resources. Some took nap voluntarily, others who tried staying active still dozed off anyways.

ok, in above, it was probably enjoying water with closed eyes but on another occasion - one of its kind sighting - when it suffered a major major yawing attack. for nearly 20-25 mins it kept on repeating this every one min or so..

btw, dynamic elevation of your status due to your utility as a shield against another species is what I have experienced many times now. yet, you admire their strategy and execution efficiency every-time a new specie does it. The parrots wouldn't come and drink water if I was visible behind the window but when crows became bigger problem, I was suddenly a plus rather than a risk. She walked with amazing confidence even as the crow looked on - somewhat baffled by parrot's confidence and somewhat aware that its source was my presence - so conscious of my displeasure if he stopped the parrot, crow just couldn't react. Parrot came, drank and left without a problem.

If there was something most rewarding between all of these, it was.. incomparable joy of getting those ugly little ones making an appearance and before you even realise, they transforming themselves from so very vulnerable looking infants to smart, confident youngsters.

Above barbet baby, when came was unimaginably little - first shots are only after two three days of its arrival as it was very shy initially. it grew up slowly and was at the center of attention for days. There were other babies too.. babler, koel, oriole, crow, some came as soon as they left the nest, some were already on their own when I first saw them.

Let me end story of this summer with an episode, as short duration as an hour and few mins, yet, its intensity was such that if I compare weight of that hour with whole of rest of summer, that hour may still win easily.
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Growing up

We know that growth and learning are rarely linear process when viewed hour by hour. but still, witnessing the rapid learning can be a special experience. I heard this fledgling's voice and spotted it after a while. After few seconds of observation, I was feeling extremely miserable. the fledgling appeared very weak or even sick even unable to control his body to steadiness and constantly calling, clueless about what he should be doing and helpless as his heartless father sat next to him motionless even as so very vulnerable baby kept looking at him for help. He didn't even give encouraging look to him. After an eternity, the head shaking slowed, his calls become less frequent and after few more minutes, he stopped looking at his father only and started to explore. a non confident step and then somewhat confident. Curiosity and alertness started appearing with better control of his body. and after a gap of 15 mins when I tried to locate him, he was sitting at a branch a bit far and as I watched, flew and landed on a perch in front of camera with fluency as if he had done it a dozen times before.

All this time, that is if I believe timestamps on the captures was one hour and five minutes, the father sat there almost motionless, looking perfectly calm and I am sure determined to attack and defeat any danger that may come to the baby.


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He kept coming for few days, usually sat in front of the window. I even tried to teach him some words - to which he showed absolutely no interest, leaving me very very annoyed.

Summer Archives: એક ડાળના પંખી

Getting some more shots to blogger from flickr which is no longer used. This set of shots are taken in those 46 days of summer of 2012 which were one of its kind - once in a lifetime experience. The worst summer I experienced - each passing moment felt like a battle to stay alive and yet, what it will be remembered for are those countless wonderful moments lived right in the middle of that battlefield. Some of those moments below.

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એક ડાળના પંખી - 1 - Indian Grey Hornbill

May 15: Monsoon is still far away and ever worsening heat, ever reducing time and distance window in which one can venture out to watch birds and, visiting species having long left, all these may sound like coming days are worst for the birding. However, I find this the best time to watch them. World outside the window gets completely transformed. a dozen or two species showing no signs of any suffering from the heat keep the scene busy throughout the day. lots of them also call same piece of land home as I do and some others visit regularly for water or simply to enjoy their favourite perches. and best part is, they are no longer individual birds or pairs, they all melt as an integrated family with continuous interaction with others. a birdwatcher would not realise how hours flyby watching them. They however dont present best photo opportunities with all the activity happening under same few trees, under cluttered and shadowed setting and no unobstructed view for the camera in most cases. Despite these, I hope to capture a series presenting world outside the window this North Indian summer. and this upload is first in the series. This hornbill has been coming for an afternoon nap here for last couple of days but when it came today, there was a squirrel at his preferred place. he perched on lower branch and kept looking at the squirrel for more than 15 minutes. Even the squirrel seem to have understood his lack of confidence and after giving a glancing look, closed his eyes again. Hornbill left in the end. I must say it was an incredibly polite Hornbill. P.S. literal translation of the heading which is in Gujarati is 'Birds of the same branch'. I would like to have a more commonly understood heading in English but dont have one right now. and first language offered one more readily.

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Okay, in complete contrast to what I had thought while taking above first shot of the series, not withstanding 'poor' photo conditions, I managed to get quite good/clear views of them and some decent shots.

and btw, our hornbill did get to enjoy a nap at his preferred perch on other days.

I managed to see some of them, always around but never on ground, coming up for water. and some even got equally interested in me as I was in them :-).

After a few days I had managed to tie a small fallen branch piece just above the water. Result was, my friends loved it (that was nearest perch to the water) and it gave me some nice frames they sitting straight in front of my camera barely 10 ft away. I even had to use the least used feature of my lens - that of zooming out. say, below two shots are just at ~200 mm.

Rest in Next post..

Its Summer again

Summer is the season that has scored most in context of bird watching joy for me. Year after year, it is the harsh North Indian summer which outshines both the winter when you get to see many visiting birds and the spring where wonderful weather combines with lots of colours and breeding activities (okay.. spring is equally or even more interesting but you need to be looking then). It is the season when birds come to you and you don't have option not to notice, and, you don't have option of doing anything else anyway once the heat starts.

This Oriole was enjoying beautiful view of water and didn't fly away even as I stood right in the front and took shots.

The Owlet below however was not content with enjoying view of the water. Showing no respect for the human standing few feet away, it sat in there for quite some time.

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Blogger feed behaves in unpredictable ways when you do anything but simply publish new post. I knew strange things happen if you go and add/remove label in old post, but seems rolling back a published post also triggers unpredictable behaviour. If you are wondering why you received email for some random old post - that's because I rolled back my 'away note' (I was anyway back and that too cutting short the visit - review of which may follow some day if I manage to write.).

Moving ahead without leaving behind

Remember? I had argued once that to see you should be looking. Now, as you know there was a time I was looking for birds all the time, and I was seeing lots and lots of them around me. then it was insects.. and to my own complete surprise, it was human world next.

When I stopped looking for birds I saw... photographed less of them. Fortunately however, I never lost connect with them. and so even when my active focus shifted, company of so many of them become part of life. It was kind of lifestyle upgrade. Not just my family of 30-40 individuals, less familiar or complete strangers too come and say hello sometime as if we knew each other for long.

It was evening already, light was falling at rapid pace. by now all the birds should have been gone but I hear an unfamiliar, sweet, soft, happy, kind of calm - not excited or over energetic call. Source was outside the window. I glance outside and there it was.. a Blue capped rock thrush. Its not just a beautiful bird, but its chances of seeing it are fairly small - you need to catch one when it stops for a small break while migrating from Himalay to Westen ghats or back. Even when I was constantly looking for birds, I had seen it only twice in some 4-5 years. So I was happy that one of it had landed outside my window and was calling happily.

He was drying its feathers after a refreshing bath and took no adverse notice of me or camera. After a while even shifted to a better perch to allow me take this shot. Its at ISO 12800, 1/25s, (400mm), manual focus (metering kept showing more than -2 stops and refused to focus for most of attempted shots)

Less exotic, Resident but not backyard bird - Spotted Munia too had come and posed few days back. Every year he comes and takes grass from here but builds his nest somewhere else. (My home surrounding is completely unkempt - grass or anything else that wants to grow, can do it obstructively. elsewhere things are kept beautiful). This year though he chose a nearby spot to build nest too.

So, it seems once you connect, you no longer need to be looking to see. I suspect direction in which I am looking is slowly changing again but its unlikely that I will go back to previous state of not seeing human world at all. Sufficient connect has been established for that to not happen.

New area I am getting interested in? hope to talk about it sometime soon.

Kaniyu - Part 4

Breakthrough was achieved and rest was a part of past now. With yesterday's two feedings itself, Kaniyu was getting back to its form. Five balls looked proper size for single feeding and that's what I managed to feed him next early morning and then at around 9.-30 - 10 AM. Next feeding, following his parents schedule, should be at around 1 PM. Though given that he had to eat for last many days as well, I was looking at next feed to be around noon. but.. Something was bugging me for last one hour and now I realise he wasn't looking good. He was stiff. the normality that was being restored just after two feeding was not there. He was sick, probably in some pain - I could see that. I touch him and feel temperature too was higher - though I could not say this for sure. I could see all these but did not understand what (or why) was it so. I tried to feed him at around noon, and he refused - not only he did not gulp it (and threw it out instead), he was unhappy wrt to this eating business. Dots were still unconnected but I just let it go. It was not the question of life and death if he didn't have this one feeding.

I could not take my eyes or thoughts off him though and it was not long before I understood. He had switched to solid food and hadn't drank required amount of water. How could I miss that? In fact, since he arrived, one of the first things I had learned through maternal instinct was to keep track of his health seeing his droppings. Amount, composition, consistency, frequency. but in the excitement of feeding breakthrough I missed that he was only eating since last evening. His system was kind of jammed with solid food. Even as water was in front of him, he had not yet declared himself out of parental care and wouldn't drink on his own. He had not even learned to drink enough even when I offered him to (by holding water in such a way that its beak is half immersed.). So next few hours, I kept offering water, he drinking it (key was, not to back off till he drinks what you think is sufficient). His system must be in a complete mess as he kept removing solid and pure water separately. but now he did that at least. Process continued till nearly 5 PM and he started looking better. His aversion to food had gone too. so before the end of day, he had two more feedings - with revised feeding amount of three balls each - this proved quite optimal and continued then on. Chanting of 'Kaniyu, Kha.' 'Kaniyu, Kha.' 'Kaniyu, Kha.' which was going on almost like Akhand Ramdhun since the day he arrived, had ended finally. Though not my efforts to teach him to eat on his own.

He quickly started gaining strength, his growth too was on track again. and with that his preening and exercising was back to original level.. rather, much more than that. In my efforts to feed him semi liquid food, I had initially used only wheat floor and then Bajara and wheat floor alternatively. Now wheat floor's cooked paste is no less than any strong glue and all his breast feathers plus many here and there were in very bad shape. He also had this most irritating habit of turning his head and resting tip of the beak on his right shoulder even before I manage to clean his beak - despite my best efforts at quickness. With so many feathers glued, even paste stuck in, if not for the roasting dry and hot air of May, it could have posed significant risk of fungal infection. With that roasting air however, the glue had turned to cement and he looked well.. ugly. I kept apologising to him for making that of him and not being able to help him on that front but he didn't notice my apologies and I didn't notice that he wasn't relying on me to do anything. He knew keeping his feathers in proper order was his own job and he was at it with discipline that defined him.

My problems did not end however. It just changed its nature like it had happened so far. Now fine, I was confident that I could not hurt him - I knew that without learning it from anywhere. We all know it without learning explicitly. Imagine our reaction seeing a kitten in dog's mouth vs a kitten in its mother, Cat's mouth. Its not visible action but relationship and oneness one feels that matters. and so I knew I wont hurt him..but.. at the same time that's what I feared the most. plus, he was gaining strength and using it fully to counter me. Unlike the first time, he even knew now that I would hold him and his reflexes were becoming quicker, varied. Even as I too continuously worked on my speed, technique and power, everytime it was a battle of equals. I got out of breath and became exhausted after each attempt at feeding one gola (and not all were successful) and had to pause, take few deep breaths, gather courage and do some last minute strategizing before next attempt. Two things that I feared most were damage to his wings - for, they were strong and he used that strength in a way that I found very dangerous - if I even slightly miscalculate wrt when to tighten the grip or when to give away, it could damage his wings. Second was his eye that he had already lost. He always managed to transfer enough of crushed bajara to my figure very near to his eye and then move his head unpredictably. There were no two attempts between which I did not think of improving on my technique, adding elaborate fool proofing processes etc to reduce risk, but still, feeding him remained a high risk, stressful job and after each Gola that he gulped unharmed, I was immensely relieved. It did not stop me from continue to watch him with anxiety to see if he was showing any signs of being harmed. I never found any sign that he was hurt, but I sometime felt how inadequate mother I am that probably he is hurt and I am not able to see it.

He had third gola of the last session for the day at around 7.30 PM (I was yet to shift to last session strictly before Sunset). I was cleaning the mess that had resulted in this feeding battle and watching him to find out if there are any signs that his wings were damaged. My eyes stop at bare pink skin - area only few times a needle's tip, but still, bare pink skin - where none should be visible. Its shoulder joint, a very critical point for wings strength. If that point was damaged.. I could not think clearly. My body and mind, that had held against May heat wave outdoor hours, crises of parents abandoning him and all efforts to feed him failing till the success came at last and dozens of other mini crises so far, faced with that bare pink skin patch on Kaniya's shoulder and thinking that it might cause disability, gave up. All the hell had suddenly broken loose. I was crying uncontrollably.

After long few minutes, finally Mom, trying to console me and argue that he doesn't look hurt, took me to face Kaniyu again. I was back in his room, still crying helplessly. He got confused. He could suspect that I was in distress but of course there was no reason for that.. No one was attacking me etc.. He had that look in his eye saying, you look in distress, though I see no reason for you to be but is there something that I can help with? Tears still filled my eyes but I had stopped crying. he was not only unhurt, but was even big enough to get concerned if I was hurt. We had covered a long distance since morning of 17th May.

There were no more crises in sight to keep me going. I was to spend nearly 14-16 hours in coming days mostly sleeping and eating.

Kaniyu - Part 3

Too good to be true?

Five days had passed by since Kaniya's life had that major jolt post which he was living in a world his body and mind was not quite made to grow in. But this meant that he had to do his part even more rigorously and had no time to complain. Indeed, he made full use of what was still as it should be - his parents feeding him; for things he absolutely needed but didn't have - a nest, he designated shoe as nest and stuck to it exactly in a manner a baby bird would stick to a nest that is even smaller than its own body size. Things which he didn't need in ideal conditions but were useful now- like me, were accepted, and things which were not useful but still were added to his life- like the black dog, were completely ignored. Things for which there were no external dependencies, like exercising and taking care of its rapidly growing feathers, were taken care with all dedication.

I have told you dove parents had been feeding him for all these days and that he was growing fine. but, there was an anomaly arising already for last two days, which even as was noticed, given that I was too tired and that Kaniyu was doing fine had not generated an alarm yet. It was, that even as mother came full five times to feed, the father sometimes missed its turn. On day six, father's irregularity in feeding was becoming apparent, plus for some reason so far Kaniyu had only three feedings (father not contributing in all of them) and the day was about to end. There was scope of only one more and that too if parents came in next few mins. Kaniyu was growing and was hungry. probably it was falling short of its optimum intake for a day or two already but today was a clear case of that.

The mother arrives. Kaniyu, being very hungry almost goes mad seeing the mother - and, he turns round and round in excitement. (He had been occasionally doing that turning around for few days now, but nothing with respect to that behaviour was registered as having any meaning to me as yet.) He started turning excitedly and mother was taken aback. She needed to hold his beak to pour feeding. but as she makes an attempt, Kaniyu would have turned. She looks completely lost at the behaviour but still tries few times as Kaniyu was very hungry and a mother could see that. but after a while, she finally gives up and flies away without feeding. Father, who was largely absent today came, but he left even sooner than mother as Kaniyu repeated its behaviour. He was hungry, so hungry that could not control own body and mind, and, the day had ended. Kaniyu was obviously not how he was so far. He looked listless.

After returning home I made yet another serious attempt to see if I can make him eat anything with no result as you know. It was a bad day. I hoped next morning, Kaniyu wont repeat what it did today (it would be even more hungry). Next morning, I was very anxious. I held my breath as mother came, Kaniyu was excited, but he just managed to receive the feeding. Father too came and managed to feed. Kaniyu was happy and I breathed easy.

If I think of two very useful features that life has evolved to (or have them at any rate), I would give my vote to death and ability to not know the future. these two, roughly looks to me having somewhat similar (but much more than) utility as that of sleep and working memory being distinct from long term memory.

After the morning feeding both me and my Kaniyu were relaxed due to the second useful feature of life I mention above. We had NO idea that dove parents were never to feed him again. The story that was sounding too good to be true had ended. Over next 10 hours, I shuttled between tree and home. At tree, I kept pleading to dove parents to feed Kaniyu and at home my efforts to feed him became more and more fanatic each hour. Kaniyu, even though under the tree looked somewhat normal and kept waiting for parents as ever, at home, he was looking weak. Preening and exercising had reduced significantly. After that morning feed, all I could manage to make him eat during whole day must not be more than 5 - 10 ml of semi-liquid food.

Facing the Worst

Next day, I feared the worst and found reality matching my fears. Parents did not come. Despite past experience, I tried to take help of my doves once again, meeting the same fate as before. rather much worse. for, Kaniyu, already weak, thought they were his parents and seemed to completely go crazy - losing lot of physical energy out of not much remaining and there could not be more painful sight where his this reaction met by aggression by the non parent dove. I stopped taking him to tree after 1 PM or so (except once near the day end time) and kept trying, with all variations I could think of, to feed him myself / let him eat itself. I of course also tried holding his beak and see if I can force it open, but he didn't allow me. He kept losing strength, sat there listlessly, no preening or exercising anymore but refused to eat in any other way than parents feeding him. During whole day, all he would have taken in must not be more than 10-15 ml of semi liquid food. The figure that had always sat erect, full of confidence so far, was difficult to look at now. He sat there evidently looking weak with eyes closed mostly. I, his mother in all true senses of the word was helpless.

It was past 7 PM or so, already dark outside. I called it a day and stepped outside for a walk. My body and mind both were stressed and stiff, almost immobile and I thought a walk was most appropriate thing. I stepped outside and in the darkness broken in parts by lights, there were shapes and shadows - trees, houses, leaves. in anything and everything, no matter where I looked at - I could only see hungry, weak Kaniyu sitting in different poses. I tried to not see that, and I saw it more vividly. I had not realised but probably I was slowly getting closer to madness since last many hours and now, I felt like I was standing on a hairline dividing saneness and madness - I felt I was so much close to going mad that the only proof that I was still on saneness side was THIS acute awareness of being so close to madness. with that, there was a feeling I had never experienced before - it was an involuntary reflex of mind that appeared like a panic reaction triggered by survival instinct - not survival of body, but mind itself. It did not want to go mad. Only thing that interrupted my seeing Kaniyu everywhere was this panicky feeling and seeing things not improving as a result of walk, I returned. If open eyes shown me Kaniyu everywhere, closing them were also of no help. Infant Kaniyu, as I had got him many days ago popped up as soon as I closed my eye. It was a difficult night, but finally sleep came to rescue.

Next day was nearly identical except that Kaniyu was getting even weaker though not completely inactive. He again had some 10-15 ml of semi liquid food till now and wouldn't change his ways. At around 4.45- 5 PM, I decided to change mine. I was ready to use force - more than reasonable amount of it. There was no use of having concept of reasonableness now. I could not do it till now as I feared it can cause injury, or even disability. but now, not doing so would mean his sure death. Though I had no idea if even this attempt will be successful or not but, I faced no choice but to use force - as much as I had capacity to use. I make balls of crushed Bajara mixed with water, seize him with speed and power to tightly hold whole of its body with my left hand, open his beak with force (okay, yet very gently and carefully) using right hand and keep it open using thumb and index figure of left hand once opened (I instantly realised how much strength was still left in him as he countered my attempts. - Note however that he was NOT panicked thinking I was attacking him or that he was in danger of any sort - such thought was inconceivable for him given our relationship, nor he was being hurt in anyway at all, but his mind resisted being caught in an involuntary reflex anyway.), take a bajara ball using my right hand, put it at approximately mid way on its beak, - AND THE BALL WAS GONE! He gulped it and realised what happened only after he gulped it. Our eyes met in a perfect and clear communication - We had won and it was a big big win. Even as both of us were still too stunned to fully digest what happened - but I could see in his eyes too there was no doubt, just as it was with me, that it was WE who won, not he or me, not even he and me. that distinction had ceased to exist long back I think.

I stopped after five bajara balls (Golas). He appeared full. He had five more Golas at 7-7.30 PM.

'Evolution'

I was writing Kaniyu Part 3, and used the word 'evolved'. Now, as what I meant by it was not the textbook definition of it, I felt obliged to clarify. but that clarification turned out somewhat long, also misplaced diversion in the story. Its therefore here as a stand alone topic.

It was only few years back that I came to know of a strange fact - that there are some parts of the world where people still learn, teach (in a govt approved way it seems), believe in, creation theories (I haven't googled it what 'exactly' it means, but the way I perceived it is something like 'God' created everything while in mood to do so.) as against that life evolved to what it is in a slow (from individual's perspective), long journey.

Regarding my own education, I actually don't remember what words and what details textbooks told me apart from stages of evolution and some timeline wrt to the long journey. but I remember I have never exactly believed in what is meant by 'The evolution theory'. That is because, I personally think life is not lifeless - and therefore, it has more control of things happening to it compared to control lifeless things have over what happens to them. i.e. that journey from a single cell life to an elephant, dolphin, human, termite or ant is not exactly similar to say, creation of major geographical features. .. I have trouble imagining a life so lifeless whose evolution purely depends on mutation happening to it by pure chance (and so whole of evolution story is pure chance mutation + survival of fittest) In fact, only one thing is needed to collapse that kind of evolution theory back to creationist theory. and it is, if mutations happening turns out not purely random. Even Slightest non randomness will mean (if we continue to assume that life is quite lifeless and exerts no control over mutations happening to itself) that the world is created quite leisurely rather than all at once. i.e. it makes theory of evolution a theory of creation, only with creator employing slightly different strategy to create.

For me, life is essentially alive. Striving for betterment with guidance of its own intelligence. trying, failing sometimes, succeeding at others, trying to remember and analyse failures and successes and keep trying. Evolution then is result of life's own efforts to evolve (aided/hindered by many chance mutations and external events at different times.)

Now, meaning of word 'evolved' used in above sense is completely different from what is meant by theory you get if you google 'theory of evolution' so I thought I should clarify.


and btw, on a side note, as you know I have been reading Asimov again these days, I found out that one of his story that I had liked very much, was his own favourite story too (yes, out of all the gems, that one was what he thought as his best story - If you can lay your hands on it - do read 'The Last question'.)

કાણિયું - Part two

Something New and still Easy? Are you kidding?

Parenting a baby bird, when real parents are actually doing all the parenting, was not something new to me. As a child, my responsible shoulders did support at least one/two sparrow nests in home at most time round the year. All it required was making parents feel comfortable (They are anyway and that's why they have their nest in your house but still, you can always do your bit), supply some food to them which they can feed to babies (I learned quite late that supplying monotonous, non core food actually was doing more harm than good - specially when real parents were inexperienced and accepted what I offered rather than toiling harder to find appropriate food) and keep a watch on any danger (inside home, there wasn't much of that however, still I had that concept.). Add to that - of me being already experienced, that now I had few more bits of wisdom. Now I knew each species eat different things and what do they eat primarily.

After parents had fed the baby, I realised I was sitting there for quite some time so take the baby home (and it showed as much agility as had shown while going out - and here, for the first time I become aware of danger posed by the black dog - you have read about her before.). After a while, I head back to the feeding place carrying dove baby and Bajara (Millet) - for parents. Repeat my elaborate process of displaying of the baby so that parents can see it from anywhere on more than dozen trees from that place, put the bajara and the dove on ground and back off. Now, I Knew bird babies are non-stop eaters. and parents must keep running from dawn to dusk non stop to feed them. but somehow, parents did not come readily. I waited. and after some wait they did come and fed the baby. It was still more than an hour since the baby was fed the first time. It was Odd. why didn't they rush as soon as baby was back?

Anyway, now that they have resumed, things should go smoother. So, I waited for them to return. and waited and waited. Meanwhile, the Sun of 17th May, the day when years worst heat wave was just started, kept inching higher in sky every minute. I was too pre-occupied with my easy parenting job however and had not yet thought about it.

It was around 11 AM now. Heat was already unbearable for last hour and a half. I wanted water, needed to be back to cooler place but what about the baby, must be very hungry as parents had not returned after second feeding. I expected mom to at least remember me and come and give some water - but nothing, apparently was going as expected. She did finally remember me around 11.30 and I got the water, but I decided to take a break and returned home with the baby dove soon after.

Staying out in that heat -without something to protect head from the heat, without water, to someone fully healthy, fit and who is used to such exposure is also quite difficult. and, all I can say here is, I am lot more fragile compared to an average person around me. plus, of course, I was not used to stay out to face heat on such hot days at all. (of course, you cant be used to what is not possible for you, right?) This part of the story would be 90% unconveyed if reader doesn't get the idea what it meant to be out under the tree for me (not Sun - story would have never been written if it was to be so - with writer long dead) - and probably I am not good at describing it. But anyways, let me proceed to tell you remaining 10% of it.

Upon returning home, I decide I must try to feed the baby dove - કાણિયું (Kaniyu - One eyed). Friend whom I had requested to check dove baby food had replied (it probably had not occurred to me to acknowledge the reply or to update anything back), also, I do have a pair of Eurasian collared dove in my multi species family so what to feed did not seem a big question immediately, neither in what form. I needed paste - possibly cooked to make it easily digestible as the Kaniyu was still young and may not be ready for raw food. Millet atta wasnt there, but wheat was equally good alternative for now. So I make wheat flour's cooked paste and try to feed Kaniyu. It turned out to be non starter. He wouldn't eat. I tried hand, spoon, round hollow tube (so its beak can go into that), different consistencies of the paste, but he wouldn't eat. I thought that even if he may not respond to the sight, smell and food touching its beak, hunger, but must understand my spoken request to eat - So I kept saying 'Kaniyu, Kha.' (Kaniyu, eat.) I had no idea then that,  this two word sentence would end up being the sentence spoken most number of times in my entire life so far and that, he wouldn't oblige me even once ever.

Not soon after 1 PM, after spending nearly 45 mins in trying to feed Kaniyu, and having my own lunch, I was back under the tree. Parents came soon enough. Fed him. and I return in less than half hour as promised to mom. Unimaginably exhausted, I had no option but to take some rest. Next feeding at around 3 came soon after I took Kaniyu out there. but it was only mother who came. Last one came around 5, even though I sat there waiting parents to come once before the day was over till almost 6.30.

Kaniyu appeared to be sleeping between his feedings for most time. after that he would became active again, preen profusely, do multiple rounds of typical wing stretching followed by shoulder flexibility exercise. and he was doing all these very diligently. I tried to make him sit on a table instead of on floor, but in no time he would have fallen on the floor and then slowly make his way to sit on my shoe.

Next day, I was out there at 6 AM, first feeding by both parents was only around 7.15. I returned around 9 AM, parents had not came for second feeding by then. On day two also, eventually I managed to keep Kaniyu out there enough and he eventually managed five feeding. I had some lessons learned and I kept my head covered and kept sprinkling water over myself. but given this very infrequent feeding and also realising I wont last long in this routine of staying outdoor whole day in Mid may, my feeding attempts became more and more desperate. without any result - in some 30-40 min each time I spent, he sipped no more than 2-3 ml while I repeated Kaniyu, Kha some 500-1000 times. Even as my attempts to feed him did not show any positive results, there were at least two negative results. One, I ended up wasting all spare time I could have used to rest and recover, and as you know, cooked wheat flour is extremely sticky, despite all my efforts to keep it away, wipe away, from Kaniya's feathers, he managed to spread it all over. Worst affected were throat and below area and one shoulder - he had this habit to turn its head and rest its beak on the shoulder joint - and he could do it so much more faster than I could wipe its beak.

Over next three days, routine was more or less same as day two, with one improvement that as I slowly came to understand that five feeding is what they do and that for Kaniyu, it was enough, I spent marginally less time outdoor and worried a lot less about Kaniyu being hungry. with each passing day and hour of course, I was losing my energy to heat and keeping up continued to be harder and harder, in fact it was no less than a miracle that I managed to keep on. Kaniya's routine was same, eat, on coming back sit on shoe (I shifted shoe over the table next to window - so he can have shoe as well as can glance outside window to see and learn from lively world outside), sleep, exercise and grow. I could see him growing day by day with lot of satisfaction. while waiting to be fed, he started becoming increasingly active, even started attempting flying - not succeeding gaining height beyond few inches however, but still he managed few small horizontal flights circling me (as I stood at level below him). Yes, he always aimed his flight at / around me. He knew clearly now that he had two kinds of parents. feeding parents and guarding parent.

These three easy days still had their quota of disasters, mainly arising out of my lack of parenting skill, all of them fully voided by unfailing luck that protected Kaniyu. Some of them were..

- I kept increasing distance between me and Kaniyu in order to make its parents more comfortable - till, one morning a crow landed next to Kaniyu. Even as Kaniyu looked at the crow innocently, crow at Kaniyu in risk assessment mode, I ran and shouted as fast I could, what made the crow abort his attempt to attack Kaniyu was both his parents darting from different directions straight towards the crow. So I reduced the distance thereafter, kept extra eye on crows (lots of them around), AND - stopped my ritual of displaying kaniyu to make it visible to its parents. - they could see their baby from anywhere exactly. All I was doing was making it visible to predators and inviting them.

- On another occasion, a dog came completely quietly from my back with an eye on Kaniyu. He did not succeed as you know, but my vigil then extended to 360 degrees.

- Kids used to came to play near the Kaniya's tree - I was worried both as to parents may not come with all these kids nearby and, that their ball may hit Kaniyu. (kids in India play only cricket - just in case you didn't know.). As my skills in dealing with people is in complete contrast with my comfort with non-humans, and that I actually dislike human kids (I find them copies of their parents, only yet to learn how to hide what better stay hidden.), even as I tried being as nice as possible and even as they actually weren't as bad as average human kids and some of them actually were good, not just not bad, mornings remained not exactly easy - we had to start late on two of the three days.

- Once, parents did not come for day's last feeding. I sat there for nearly an hour past usual time but they didn't come. As I was returning disappointed, a Shikra flew off from few trees away. So, that was the reason. With sure death like shikra's preying eyes present, obviously parents didn't come and feed. This again expanded scope of my vigil, reduced my max and average distance from Kaniyu and increased time/no. of visits outdoor as when parents didn't turn up, I now thought of a predators presence and returned after a brief wait, to come back again after few minutes.

- I thought if my doves (doves in my multi-species family) adopt / become extra parents to Kaniyu, things can go smoother. When I kept Kaniyu outside home, they saw him and came promptly near. seeing them Kaniyu went as mad with happiness as he did seeing his own parents. The Doves however instantly attacked Kaniyu and it was again Kaniya's luck and me knowing body language of my doves too well that my hand was between attacking dove and Kaniyu well in time.

Completely unaware of any of these problems, Kaniyu continued to grow bigger, stronger and more active. His yellow infancy strands were almost gone now and tail was somewhat longer. He was still a very lovely infant to an human eye, though he was not THAT young for a dove. If he was to have normal childhood, he would have left nest for ground in next 3-7 days.